The 6th step

So something significant happened to me the other day. Unfortunately I wont tell you in detail *listens to the crowd go ahh*
However I will talk about the lesson learnt. I kept finding myself in this weird uncomfortable situation. My friends kept telling me I was being put in this situation to learn to be comfortable. Ok fine, I got comfortable but I kept getting pushed into corners I didnt wanna be in. And I started to feel weak from exerting so much 'comfortable energy'. And then in one of these moments/situations I felt a gentle push telling me to go, step forward, and then I realised that I had been missing the message the whole time.  I wasn't being taught how to be comfortable in situations with people I don't favour, I was being given an opportunity to unload my burden. But I was so caught up with grinning and bearing that I didn't get it.  Sometimes the answers to your silent wishes are granted and you mistake the answer for something else. I honestly thought that I was being punished. I wanted to scream, I was growing tired of dealing with it all, until in a moment of quiet I felt the push. A gentle whisper that I have the strength to do what I have always wanted to do.

Lesson: Sometimes you have to free yourself to fly.

The 6th step.....Closure :)

Humans of....

During my daily social networking I spotted a link to a page called Humans of New York. Between a mix of boredom and nosiness I checked out the page. Subsequently the next few hours of my life were well spent looking through photos of New Yorkers. The owner of the page basically walks the streets of New York taking photos of those he comes across; the ordinary, the intriguing and the quirky. I loved the fact that he would often ask someone the simple question, what's your story? The answers are usually so interesting. I envy the person who can find an excuse to dig into the stories of the persons we may pass daily on the street. I often stare at people while they are not aware and wonder what their story is, so I got to live vicariously through this photographer.
After maxing out the New York scene I decided to check out India next. I was indeed touched by the characters I was introduced to. From the little boy in the market giving out compliments to every passer by just because he wanted to make someone's day, to the man that carries around beer bottle caps as penance for his alcoholism, it was more than time well spent.

Now to the point of this post, I came across a photo and caption that passed the outer regions of my heart and went straight to the core.

"This boy was at a crossing, begging like a thousand others around him. I gave him all the money I had on me, which was only 10 rupees (20 cents). I said it was all I had, meaning all that I had on me at the time, but he took it the other way. "If that is all you have, then keep it." The boy placed the coins back into my palms. I explained what I actually meant, and gave the rupees back. His compassion was deeply affecting."

To think that a less fortunate child begging on the streets, could be so compassionate to a 1st world looking stranger with a large expensive camera is absolutely moving. 

Every time I am being miserable, ungrateful, stingy or worrisome over money or any other luxury of life, may I remember this pure soul.

The Laughing Heart

I heard this poem on the Levi's ad and I love it! 

The Laughing Heart 

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

@Charles Bukowski

Wait a minute....

I got extremely overwhelmed the other day, all from being trapped in my head. I had one of those freeze frame moment where it seemed  like the world had stopped for a millisecond and I got to survey my life. I realised that I lacked the stability that I have grown accustomed to. So many things keep changing and I havent been able to settle into my normal routine of life for a while. Let me explain, I kind of like patterns when it comes to the things I do everyday. I need some things to remain constant, some things that will always be the same. When things in my daily activities/environment keep changing I start feeling unbalanced....you wont get it unless you feel the same lol. Just before the world resumed its hyper speed spin the image of a little girl came to mind, I guess you can say that it was probably me, and this is what I wanted to say to her.

Laugh! Laugh harder, laugh longer.
Dont stop running, dont stop playing, dont stop.
For everyday you get a little further away from these times of reckless abandonment.
Tumble on the ground, swing in the trees, eat candy until your belly hurts, dont stop.
Tomorrow will not be the same as today, tomorrow you will be grown.
Tomorrow you must be responsible for everything, you must do as expected, you must deal with life.
So love today for it will never return; finger paint, dance in the rain, jump in muddy puddles and talk to toys.
For tomorrow your jokes wont be funny, your innocence will not be accepted and you will be on your own.
Tomorrow you will worry about the next day and the one after that, about things with dollar signs, about matters of the heart and problems of the world.
Today you must slide down that hill and get your clothes stained and grassy
Today you must play rings games and get gum in your hair
Today, you must cherish this day, for tomorrow well, tomorrow just wont be so simple.

Cheers to the days of simplicity!

Forgive you, forgive you not...

Long story short, I had been  aware of something someone had done to deceive to me many years ago, but only recently was made to understand full extent of the wretchedness (that's a word right?) After trying to .....trying to....oh trying to contain my anger in regards to the act that defines the term backstabbing (all this sounds so dramatic right? Trust me this story is a dozy!) I pondered how to move on from this. A lot of stuff came up, so hear me out.

 How do you find closure when you can't tell someone how you feel. When you can't have your chance to say 'You are a wretched soul.' Do you always just hold these words, this speech in your mind and only recite it in your imagination?

More importantly how does one truly forgive? I find that in many instances I am not sure whether I have forgiven someone or simply forgotten because they are outta sight, outta mind. It's only hurts when someone digs a knife against a closed up scar causing a throbbing pain, making me remember what that pain felt like. Then the anger resurfaces, the disgust, the annoyance, then you wonder have I really forgiven or have I temporarily put it out of my treading thoughts? Then I repeat these words in my head... I kid you not I can never forget these lyrics and I really repeat them when I get mad. 

Repeat it ...dont hate.... don't hate.... don't hate. How do you know if you have forgiven someone who may never come to you and say I am truly sorry?

You know this forgiveness thing is funny. I can forgive the person who doesn't disguise who they are. The playboy, the admitted con artist, the undependable friend. The people who admit that they have bad ways and can't guarantee that they will change,  I can forgive them for being yourself. I find it hard to find peace with the wolf in sheep's clothing who vows to be a sheep and even helps you to find the other lost lambs.  Oprah once said that forgiveness is about being able to say thank you for the experience. But who wants to say thank you for showing me how deceitful humans are, therefore chipping away more at my faith in mankind? Have you forgiven when anger still pumps through your veins at the mere mention of their name? Have you forgiven when you can say without a doubt that you will never speak to this person again? Does this mean that you have not freed your soul? Or can forgiveness simply mean that you have decided that karma shall find her way back around, so go your way for I have my living to do. How do you ever really know ?

A Dreamer

Ladies and gentleman and electronic internet bots ... I have an announcement... put down the champagne it's not that kind of annoucement lol.... anyways..... drumroll.... I have found my life's theme song! Yes the perfect Moondancer song! And like the coincedental occasion that led to me finding my life's mantra I came across this song quite by accident per say.  I was watching Hollywood Exes- which actually features alot of new unknown artists- and I heard this song and decided it sounded nice enough to find on youtube. I found it saved in my watch later list and did not listen until about 3 weeks later. While trying to pass time at work I opened my list remembering that there were some songs I hadnt listened to yet. This particular day in the back of my mind I was feeling kinda flaky and hopeless for being me... a dreamer, the girl who thinks of three impossible things before breakfast :)
Then I clicked play and heard the words of this pretty awesome singer reminding me to 'Leave your fear of love behind. Let your dreaming be your guide'.
I of course googled the very simple, very playful lyrics and the word moon is in it! Hello ...ding ding ...sign... but seriously if you cant be a dreamer then what can you be? The world is too hard and too cruel to take face on sometimes. I am very aware of reality I fight with it everyday cuz it's there and you have to deal with it at some point. Why cant you dream beyond borders and wish beyond limits. Why cant you hope that beyond the statistics and probabilities that your fate will be a little kinder than predicted. If you don't dream, you die.
My name is Floree a woman who tries to leave fear behind to dance on the moon,  a chick who is fascinated by the girl who fell down the rabbit hole, who stares at a Marilyn Monroe quote everyday, who was a Disney freak who thinks that when all else fails love will prevail because it is the truest form of life on earth. I am a dreamer !
Thank you Elizaveta for reminding me to continue to believe. ...ps look out for more Elizaveta inspired posts, I think I've found my kindred soul sister!



I believe in fairytales
And serendipitous encounters
Catch a tiger by the tails
Make a wish
Drink from the fountain

Oh-oh-oh oh-oh

I believe love will prevail
The path is clear for me to follow
Shooting stars will leave a trail
For me to fill with joy and sorrow

Oh-oh-oh oh-oh

Leave your fear of love behind
Let your dreaming be your guide
If you seek then you shall find.

The sun is setting in the west
It hovers like a big balloon
It follows me and beckons me
But I am staring at the moon
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/e/elizaveta-lyrics/dreamer-lyrics.html ]

Oh-oh-oh oh-oh

Leave your fear of love behind
Let your dreaming be your guide
If you seek then you shall fi-i-i-i
I-i-i-i-i
I-i-i-i-i-i-nd

Turn the tide in from the fallen
Waiting to rise up again
I can feel it in blood
I hold the future in my hand (x5)

Leave your fear of love behind
Let your dreaming be your guide
If you seek then you shall find.

I believe in fairytales
And serendipitous encounters

I believe in fairytales
And serendipitous encounters

The What Now Phase

I have come to an interesting point in my life. And if you are anything from your mid 20's up, you maybe able to relate or maybe you are one of those people with a 5 year plan that's on track. Stop reading now and go be productive!

I introduce to you the What Now phase. One day after talking to some friends I kinda became aware of this unique moment in life. We both kinda sat down thinking, so this is life, we made it graduated and can be considered adults, so what now?  I guess I had been toying with it for quite some time before, truth be told, just didn't have a name for it.
Think of it, for most of your life you follow a set path. After exiting the womb you follow a set path of development. Starting with your parents teaching you the neccessary life skills to become a well functioning person. You know walking, talking, using the bathroom, dressing yourself etc. Then you start down the school path, they choose what preschool is the safest and most convenient. After that they decide what  school has the best performance levels, reasonable school fees, economy size class rooms etc etc.Then they decide your life right after high school. If you choose university like I did your parents gentling guide you away from professions they dont like, and this is why I'm not a website designer or computer technician *shrugs*. You kinda choose your school but they are busy behind your back ensuring that your choice makes practical sense.And then you graduate some years later depending on how far you go. You find a job, and a job and a job then a good job one that makes sense to you....and then it hits.....so what do I do now??
Do I further my education because it's a sensible decision ....do I think about a house or something....do I start a family or get married or something....become an entrepenuer ...... *rubs magic 8 ball*

You begin realise that this is the first time in your life that things are solely up to you. You've made decisions before they just weren't big ones, ones that weren't life altering, big deals, no turning back kinda stuff. Before now someone was always carefully laying out the steps of your life, regardless of how many times you fall off the path you always knew the next step.

So back to why I am posting, I'm kinda feeling restless wondering what one does when you come to the end of the previously constructed steps. It's weird just running in the rat race, same basic thing day in and day out. Days, turn to weeks, weeks to years and then you wonder ok I've done this awhile what now?....No I'm really asking what now?