Ok I need to start blogging more like seriously what's the point of having one right? But I've been busy really I have I'm trying get some other writing 'projects' done. I started out hot and started to fizzle, but I'm the little engine that can so imma get it done.
Other than that I've been on some weird emotional roller coaster with a lot of weird unexplainable feelings. I have been having a really hard time figuring out what's wrong when everything in my life is pretty right. It was really rainy and grey today and I guess there's something somber about listening to raindrops fall on leaves. That quiet plip plopping allowed me to think about stuff. Two weeks ago I wrote a poem called Acceptance (I deleted it but a saving soul recorded it when I performed it and Ive been to lazy to transcribe it so see the video below)
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Basically it's about coming to a point where you accept that past for what it is and what it gave you. This includes accepting how your own choices impacted your destruction. That is no an easy point to come to. But most importantly outside of accepting the past for what it is you must accept that the present is not the past. I think of it as using a courier company to get your packages. But this company is a bit careless and the contents of your package always arrive broken. You now expect for them to deliver damage goods. You stock up on crazy glue and accept it as life until you have had enough and get rid of that company. When you find a new suitable company something in you always tenses as you open your package expecting to see bits and pieces of your precious cargo. But everything is in tact because this company promises to deliver, and that's great, but you still expect -with crazy glue in hand- that things will be broken. At some point you must accept that this company indeed delivers on its promises and you can relax. So my lesson learnt over the past few months is Acceptance the final stage of letting go and feeling the wind beneath your wings.
ok so I seem to be always understanding where you're coming from...Imma have to look hard for something to argue with you about. Anyways, my comment to this episode is...in my opinion experiences are meant as learning tools, I mean it's dumb to burn your hand in the oven cause you aren't wearing mitts EVERYTIME you bake...but guess what I sti..I mean some of us still do it! we get to the point where we say well this burn isn't as bad as the last or this burn healed much faster than the last, and we miss the most important point ie if we wore mitts there would be no burns...ok so I am rambling but the point of this ramble is our past experiences will always shape how we think, feel whether proactively or reactively. Sometimes this is good cause it helps us make "wiser' decisions. Sometimes it's bad cause we make "dumb" decisions because we expect a recurrence of our past experience (even if the situations are not even remotely similar) and so we try to avoid it. I don't think that we should ignore previous experiences and create fresh ones in recurring situations (ie mistakes) but I do think that all situations should be examined in context, considering all factors, evaluating available options and then deciding whether to take the much celebrated leap of faith or the brilliant kung fu move "runlikelightning" either way our experiences shape who we are and how we use them defines who we become or continue to be...(in my humble opinion) understanding all these things makes it easier to accept that "the present is not the past" but also that the past can determine whether the present becomes better or worse...it's about letting go while having enough faith in yourself to allow the wind to flow beneath your wings!
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