Saturday, October 27, 2012

I cant make you love me.......

During the last week I happened across some songs that got me thinking, so I composed a post, *2 posts in one week, is it Christmas?* :)
I think the best person to introduce this post would be the great Bonnie Raitt. In her simple yet powerful words, "I can't make you love me, if you dont. I cant make your heart feel something it won't" 



We all want to be loved and desired. No matter how we mask our feelings and pretend to be hard and over it all, we all at our core want to be loved. But love is the one thing we all want but we cant make it happen on our own. We as humans can do so much to change our fate. If we want a better life we push harder at work for a promotion. If we want to advance in education we bust our asses in school to get a scholarship.  Heck if we wanna get out of the hood we make the necessary sacrifices to move on up to the east side. But when we want someone to love us we cant make it happen.
I would now like to draw your attention to this Rebecca Ferguson song which is beyond beautiful.



In essence she is yearning for this person to notice her, because she notices him and wants him to be with her. But he doesn't seem to acknowledge her existence, which causes her to sing,
"I'll put a spell on you when you are asleep. And when you wake I'll be the first thing you see and you'll realise that you love me."
It made me sad when I heard it because such a seemingly simple thought is indeed so much more complicated.  She didnt ask for a million dollars or to be the world's biggest star, all she wants is for one single individual on this earth populated with billions to love her.  We all know that love potions and spells are hoaxes. In the Caribbean we talk about 'tying' someone, but that doesn't work either. We cant force someone, supernaturally or otherwise, to love us. We can dress up and put on a beautiful face and maybe captivate someone for a few hours, a few days or weeks. And in some cases we can give up a piece of ourselves in hopes of enchanting the lustful. This part brings me to this song, an oldie originally sung by The Shirelles but remade by Norah Jones. No offense to The Shirelles but if yall felt this song it wouldn't have been sung so happily!



After listening to Norah's try I realised how tragic the song was. "Is this a lasting treasure or just a moment's pleasure?"  Simply put after the darkness fades on a night of fulfilled wants will you need me when we wake up?
If you were to think deeper she really asks the wrong question. It wasnt love that got them to that moment, lust -possibly, longing- maybe, curiosity- likely, desperation- probably. Over the past few months I have learned that love is not an emotion, being in love is a conscious action. I love you means I am going to try and make a conscious effort to treat you as you deserve. So you dont fall out of love you simply stop trying. I think that realisation helped to answer alot of unresolved conflicts in my mind in regards to love. And I think this definition goes for any kind of love. I dont think we automatically love our children when they are born. I think we decide to love them no matter what may come. The opposite result is probably why so many wayward parents exist.
But back to the point of this post, no matter how much you try you can never make someone love you. And that my friends is one of the saddest realisations of life.

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