The Queen of Hearts

Dearest readers, please dont cuss me. I know I promised to have more posts this year but my writing has been all over the place this year and I've been trying to mentally gather myself...so that's my excuse :) Ok now to the post.

I can be considered a soft hearted person. I get all warm and fuzzy when I see babies and puppies, show me a baby hugging a puppy and I will melt faster than a chocolate ice cream bar on a hot summer day. I am a lover and have been known to cry at a heartfelt commercial. With that being said I know that this trait while noble can also be a hinderance in the working world. So it would be a surprise to most that the work me and the social me are two different people. I am working on my hard-ass-ness (yes I made up a term) lol and I am quite good at giving the unpopular answer.

 I once worked under the helm of a woman I greatly respect as a person and as a professional. Before working at her establishment I used to see her and duly noted her stern nature and don't mess with me attitude. Normally I would avoid working for such persons but I needed a job and I heard that an international student would have an easier chance of getting a job there. Thankfully a supervisor interviewed me so I was able to keep my perspiration in check and got the job. During my first year under her reign I didn't interact with her much other than hello, goodbye and thanks for my pay. Once she gave me a tax stub and poor little island girl me had no idea what to do with it. Let's just say that I didnt do my taxes that year.
By my second year there I guess I had passed her year long test and because I came back I guess she realised that I would be around for a long time. Or maybe she just finally warmed up to my irresistable likeableness (yep most people, usually love me!) Whatever the reason was she began to open up to me  and I came to love her. As a woman in an expected man's position I began to understand the whats and the whys to her actions. She told me a story once that I will never forget.
She was once the manager of a bar and one day a beer delivery guy came to do his drop off. He asked for the manager and she said that's me. The young buck laughed and said 'but seriously can I talk to the manager?'  Feeling highly offended she told him to apologize or she would have all of his company's products off the shelf and report him to the president of the company. He flippantly told her, 'you cant do that.' She plainly responded in her matter of fact tone 'Dont tell me I cant, no one tells me I can't.' You best believe that after a few calls that whole delivery was free with the compliments of the company president.
Working with her taught me about being respected vs being loved. The people that were closest to her respected and loved her. The people that didnt thought she was a bitch, and that was fine with her. At 2am when she needs to tell a rowdy patron to get the hell outta her place she can do it and be obeyed immediately. She could walk into a room and know that her presence alone stops wrong doers from their activities.

The Queen of Hearts in the Tim Burton's adaption of Alice in Wonderland asked her Henchman 'Is it better to be feared or loved?"
I feel like it is better to have both, to be loved by those who dare to get close to you and feared by those who look for an easy target. I strive to adopt her attitude in the work world. As I evaluate my life she will always have a mark as a person who left a lasting impression on me as a young 20 something year old trying to find herself in the world. And most importantly I wont allow anyone to tell me I cant!

I cant make you love me.......

During the last week I happened across some songs that got me thinking, so I composed a post, *2 posts in one week, is it Christmas?* :)
I think the best person to introduce this post would be the great Bonnie Raitt. In her simple yet powerful words, "I can't make you love me, if you dont. I cant make your heart feel something it won't" 



We all want to be loved and desired. No matter how we mask our feelings and pretend to be hard and over it all, we all at our core want to be loved. But love is the one thing we all want but we cant make it happen on our own. We as humans can do so much to change our fate. If we want a better life we push harder at work for a promotion. If we want to advance in education we bust our asses in school to get a scholarship.  Heck if we wanna get out of the hood we make the necessary sacrifices to move on up to the east side. But when we want someone to love us we cant make it happen.
I would now like to draw your attention to this Rebecca Ferguson song which is beyond beautiful.



In essence she is yearning for this person to notice her, because she notices him and wants him to be with her. But he doesn't seem to acknowledge her existence, which causes her to sing,
"I'll put a spell on you when you are asleep. And when you wake I'll be the first thing you see and you'll realise that you love me."
It made me sad when I heard it because such a seemingly simple thought is indeed so much more complicated.  She didnt ask for a million dollars or to be the world's biggest star, all she wants is for one single individual on this earth populated with billions to love her.  We all know that love potions and spells are hoaxes. In the Caribbean we talk about 'tying' someone, but that doesn't work either. We cant force someone, supernaturally or otherwise, to love us. We can dress up and put on a beautiful face and maybe captivate someone for a few hours, a few days or weeks. And in some cases we can give up a piece of ourselves in hopes of enchanting the lustful. This part brings me to this song, an oldie originally sung by The Shirelles but remade by Norah Jones. No offense to The Shirelles but if yall felt this song it wouldn't have been sung so happily!



After listening to Norah's try I realised how tragic the song was. "Is this a lasting treasure or just a moment's pleasure?"  Simply put after the darkness fades on a night of fulfilled wants will you need me when we wake up?
If you were to think deeper she really asks the wrong question. It wasnt love that got them to that moment, lust -possibly, longing- maybe, curiosity- likely, desperation- probably. Over the past few months I have learned that love is not an emotion, being in love is a conscious action. I love you means I am going to try and make a conscious effort to treat you as you deserve. So you dont fall out of love you simply stop trying. I think that realisation helped to answer alot of unresolved conflicts in my mind in regards to love. And I think this definition goes for any kind of love. I dont think we automatically love our children when they are born. I think we decide to love them no matter what may come. The opposite result is probably why so many wayward parents exist.
But back to the point of this post, no matter how much you try you can never make someone love you. And that my friends is one of the saddest realisations of life.

The 6th step

So something significant happened to me the other day. Unfortunately I wont tell you in detail *listens to the crowd go ahh*
However I will talk about the lesson learnt. I kept finding myself in this weird uncomfortable situation. My friends kept telling me I was being put in this situation to learn to be comfortable. Ok fine, I got comfortable but I kept getting pushed into corners I didnt wanna be in. And I started to feel weak from exerting so much 'comfortable energy'. And then in one of these moments/situations I felt a gentle push telling me to go, step forward, and then I realised that I had been missing the message the whole time.  I wasn't being taught how to be comfortable in situations with people I don't favour, I was being given an opportunity to unload my burden. But I was so caught up with grinning and bearing that I didn't get it.  Sometimes the answers to your silent wishes are granted and you mistake the answer for something else. I honestly thought that I was being punished. I wanted to scream, I was growing tired of dealing with it all, until in a moment of quiet I felt the push. A gentle whisper that I have the strength to do what I have always wanted to do.

Lesson: Sometimes you have to free yourself to fly.

The 6th step.....Closure :)

Humans of....

During my daily social networking I spotted a link to a page called Humans of New York. Between a mix of boredom and nosiness I checked out the page. Subsequently the next few hours of my life were well spent looking through photos of New Yorkers. The owner of the page basically walks the streets of New York taking photos of those he comes across; the ordinary, the intriguing and the quirky. I loved the fact that he would often ask someone the simple question, what's your story? The answers are usually so interesting. I envy the person who can find an excuse to dig into the stories of the persons we may pass daily on the street. I often stare at people while they are not aware and wonder what their story is, so I got to live vicariously through this photographer.
After maxing out the New York scene I decided to check out India next. I was indeed touched by the characters I was introduced to. From the little boy in the market giving out compliments to every passer by just because he wanted to make someone's day, to the man that carries around beer bottle caps as penance for his alcoholism, it was more than time well spent.

Now to the point of this post, I came across a photo and caption that passed the outer regions of my heart and went straight to the core.

"This boy was at a crossing, begging like a thousand others around him. I gave him all the money I had on me, which was only 10 rupees (20 cents). I said it was all I had, meaning all that I had on me at the time, but he took it the other way. "If that is all you have, then keep it." The boy placed the coins back into my palms. I explained what I actually meant, and gave the rupees back. His compassion was deeply affecting."

To think that a less fortunate child begging on the streets, could be so compassionate to a 1st world looking stranger with a large expensive camera is absolutely moving. 

Every time I am being miserable, ungrateful, stingy or worrisome over money or any other luxury of life, may I remember this pure soul.

The Laughing Heart

I heard this poem on the Levi's ad and I love it! 

The Laughing Heart 

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

@Charles Bukowski

Wait a minute....

I got extremely overwhelmed the other day, all from being trapped in my head. I had one of those freeze frame moment where it seemed  like the world had stopped for a millisecond and I got to survey my life. I realised that I lacked the stability that I have grown accustomed to. So many things keep changing and I havent been able to settle into my normal routine of life for a while. Let me explain, I kind of like patterns when it comes to the things I do everyday. I need some things to remain constant, some things that will always be the same. When things in my daily activities/environment keep changing I start feeling unbalanced....you wont get it unless you feel the same lol. Just before the world resumed its hyper speed spin the image of a little girl came to mind, I guess you can say that it was probably me, and this is what I wanted to say to her.

Laugh! Laugh harder, laugh longer.
Dont stop running, dont stop playing, dont stop.
For everyday you get a little further away from these times of reckless abandonment.
Tumble on the ground, swing in the trees, eat candy until your belly hurts, dont stop.
Tomorrow will not be the same as today, tomorrow you will be grown.
Tomorrow you must be responsible for everything, you must do as expected, you must deal with life.
So love today for it will never return; finger paint, dance in the rain, jump in muddy puddles and talk to toys.
For tomorrow your jokes wont be funny, your innocence will not be accepted and you will be on your own.
Tomorrow you will worry about the next day and the one after that, about things with dollar signs, about matters of the heart and problems of the world.
Today you must slide down that hill and get your clothes stained and grassy
Today you must play rings games and get gum in your hair
Today, you must cherish this day, for tomorrow well, tomorrow just wont be so simple.

Cheers to the days of simplicity!

Forgive you, forgive you not...

Long story short, I had been  aware of something someone had done to deceive to me many years ago, but only recently was made to understand full extent of the wretchedness (that's a word right?) After trying to .....trying to....oh trying to contain my anger in regards to the act that defines the term backstabbing (all this sounds so dramatic right? Trust me this story is a dozy!) I pondered how to move on from this. A lot of stuff came up, so hear me out.

 How do you find closure when you can't tell someone how you feel. When you can't have your chance to say 'You are a wretched soul.' Do you always just hold these words, this speech in your mind and only recite it in your imagination?

More importantly how does one truly forgive? I find that in many instances I am not sure whether I have forgiven someone or simply forgotten because they are outta sight, outta mind. It's only hurts when someone digs a knife against a closed up scar causing a throbbing pain, making me remember what that pain felt like. Then the anger resurfaces, the disgust, the annoyance, then you wonder have I really forgiven or have I temporarily put it out of my treading thoughts? Then I repeat these words in my head... I kid you not I can never forget these lyrics and I really repeat them when I get mad. 

Repeat it ...dont hate.... don't hate.... don't hate. How do you know if you have forgiven someone who may never come to you and say I am truly sorry?

You know this forgiveness thing is funny. I can forgive the person who doesn't disguise who they are. The playboy, the admitted con artist, the undependable friend. The people who admit that they have bad ways and can't guarantee that they will change,  I can forgive them for being yourself. I find it hard to find peace with the wolf in sheep's clothing who vows to be a sheep and even helps you to find the other lost lambs.  Oprah once said that forgiveness is about being able to say thank you for the experience. But who wants to say thank you for showing me how deceitful humans are, therefore chipping away more at my faith in mankind? Have you forgiven when anger still pumps through your veins at the mere mention of their name? Have you forgiven when you can say without a doubt that you will never speak to this person again? Does this mean that you have not freed your soul? Or can forgiveness simply mean that you have decided that karma shall find her way back around, so go your way for I have my living to do. How do you ever really know ?

A Dreamer

Ladies and gentleman and electronic internet bots ... I have an announcement... put down the champagne it's not that kind of annoucement lol.... anyways..... drumroll.... I have found my life's theme song! Yes the perfect Moondancer song! And like the coincedental occasion that led to me finding my life's mantra I came across this song quite by accident per say.  I was watching Hollywood Exes- which actually features alot of new unknown artists- and I heard this song and decided it sounded nice enough to find on youtube. I found it saved in my watch later list and did not listen until about 3 weeks later. While trying to pass time at work I opened my list remembering that there were some songs I hadnt listened to yet. This particular day in the back of my mind I was feeling kinda flaky and hopeless for being me... a dreamer, the girl who thinks of three impossible things before breakfast :)
Then I clicked play and heard the words of this pretty awesome singer reminding me to 'Leave your fear of love behind. Let your dreaming be your guide'.
I of course googled the very simple, very playful lyrics and the word moon is in it! Hello ...ding ding ...sign... but seriously if you cant be a dreamer then what can you be? The world is too hard and too cruel to take face on sometimes. I am very aware of reality I fight with it everyday cuz it's there and you have to deal with it at some point. Why cant you dream beyond borders and wish beyond limits. Why cant you hope that beyond the statistics and probabilities that your fate will be a little kinder than predicted. If you don't dream, you die.
My name is Floree a woman who tries to leave fear behind to dance on the moon,  a chick who is fascinated by the girl who fell down the rabbit hole, who stares at a Marilyn Monroe quote everyday, who was a Disney freak who thinks that when all else fails love will prevail because it is the truest form of life on earth. I am a dreamer !
Thank you Elizaveta for reminding me to continue to believe. ...ps look out for more Elizaveta inspired posts, I think I've found my kindred soul sister!



I believe in fairytales
And serendipitous encounters
Catch a tiger by the tails
Make a wish
Drink from the fountain

Oh-oh-oh oh-oh

I believe love will prevail
The path is clear for me to follow
Shooting stars will leave a trail
For me to fill with joy and sorrow

Oh-oh-oh oh-oh

Leave your fear of love behind
Let your dreaming be your guide
If you seek then you shall find.

The sun is setting in the west
It hovers like a big balloon
It follows me and beckons me
But I am staring at the moon
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/e/elizaveta-lyrics/dreamer-lyrics.html ]

Oh-oh-oh oh-oh

Leave your fear of love behind
Let your dreaming be your guide
If you seek then you shall fi-i-i-i
I-i-i-i-i
I-i-i-i-i-i-nd

Turn the tide in from the fallen
Waiting to rise up again
I can feel it in blood
I hold the future in my hand (x5)

Leave your fear of love behind
Let your dreaming be your guide
If you seek then you shall find.

I believe in fairytales
And serendipitous encounters

I believe in fairytales
And serendipitous encounters

The What Now Phase

I have come to an interesting point in my life. And if you are anything from your mid 20's up, you maybe able to relate or maybe you are one of those people with a 5 year plan that's on track. Stop reading now and go be productive!

I introduce to you the What Now phase. One day after talking to some friends I kinda became aware of this unique moment in life. We both kinda sat down thinking, so this is life, we made it graduated and can be considered adults, so what now?  I guess I had been toying with it for quite some time before, truth be told, just didn't have a name for it.
Think of it, for most of your life you follow a set path. After exiting the womb you follow a set path of development. Starting with your parents teaching you the neccessary life skills to become a well functioning person. You know walking, talking, using the bathroom, dressing yourself etc. Then you start down the school path, they choose what preschool is the safest and most convenient. After that they decide what  school has the best performance levels, reasonable school fees, economy size class rooms etc etc.Then they decide your life right after high school. If you choose university like I did your parents gentling guide you away from professions they dont like, and this is why I'm not a website designer or computer technician *shrugs*. You kinda choose your school but they are busy behind your back ensuring that your choice makes practical sense.And then you graduate some years later depending on how far you go. You find a job, and a job and a job then a good job one that makes sense to you....and then it hits.....so what do I do now??
Do I further my education because it's a sensible decision ....do I think about a house or something....do I start a family or get married or something....become an entrepenuer ...... *rubs magic 8 ball*

You begin realise that this is the first time in your life that things are solely up to you. You've made decisions before they just weren't big ones, ones that weren't life altering, big deals, no turning back kinda stuff. Before now someone was always carefully laying out the steps of your life, regardless of how many times you fall off the path you always knew the next step.

So back to why I am posting, I'm kinda feeling restless wondering what one does when you come to the end of the previously constructed steps. It's weird just running in the rat race, same basic thing day in and day out. Days, turn to weeks, weeks to years and then you wonder ok I've done this awhile what now?....No I'm really asking what now?

The natural vs relaxer thing....

First a little disclaimer: this blog is in no way a 'hater' post.
Aint it a shame that one has to add disclaimers because people get too sensitive sometimes?

 Anyways to the business at hand. I was enjoying my daily black women's lifestyle/entertainment reading when I came across an article about dispelling the myths of relaxers. So I read it and basically it spoke about how relaxers aren't as bad as they are made out to be, you just have to take care of it etc. I happened to scroll down to the comments. *side note anywhere 2 or 3 are gathered on the internet expect cussing.*
So this one lady says that she is glad for the article because she has had a relaxer for a long time and going back natural isnt something she can handle because of the thickness of her hair. In comes trouble, a natural nazi as one person called her proceeded to curse at the first commenter for not embracing her 'real' self. This is not the first time I have heard this argument. Now currently trending is being a naturalista just like a few years ago when everyone wanted to be a sistren by growing some locks. As with the locks phase, time will tell who the real naturalistas are. And of course the media and hair industry has picked up on this trend and is charged and ready to peddle as many products and services as possible. What you didn't notice?

I took offense to miss lady's comment. Why do I not love myself because of the way I keep my hair? When India Arie sang 'I am not my hair' she wasnt just talking to the 'sistas'. In essence, she was saying  dont make your judgements based on appearance. Now unless you are a natural haired empress in a nudist colony my dear lady you are also probably committing some offense. Hair is only a drop in the bucket. For me I love to see my friends with their cool natural styles and what's not. But I also hear them talk about their regiments and this chick right here cant plait and has unruly hair that doesnt even yield to my command when under the influence of some chemicals! So I choose the easier option for me. Don't scoff and tell me to learn to handle my hair. When a Caucasian woman straightens out her thick curly sue tresses it's not an issue. Now note well that I completely understand the socio-cultural issues that exist in regards to natural hair, this isnt about that. *Read the last statement again before you say but...*
This is about not finding one more thing to divide and alienate women from each other. All of a sudden I'm seeing relaxer vs natural articles that people wage World War 3 about. Why cant we accept that everyone has a right to do what they want with their hair? Nobody embraces their natural, plain selves. Don't raise your hand and say no no but I do.

If you wear make up hiding your natural face, put down your hand. If you give a bra company extra money for  pushup, padding, make my breast sexier bras put down your hand. If you use accessories or other addies like nails or polish to enhance your appearance and cant be without them put your hand down. If you bleach, dye or iron your hair, please sit. If you wax, pluck or thread your brows please go to the back of the class. You see where I'm going right? We all do things to ourselves that deviate from our 'natural' selves from makeup to hair. So if women wanna straighten, lengthen, shave, color or whatever it's ok because we all do it in different ways. And none of these things are permanent so what's all the fuss about? That's just my thought :) *had to vent here, I dont do the internet arguments!*

Boxed in

I'm claustrophobic, not horribly but I am aware of confined spaces more than the regular person.  A funny thing happened on the way to starting this post... I was trying to figure out a way of saying what I wanted to talk about, then it dawned on me that my claustrophobia wasnt just physical. I remember the months leading up to my graduation from university. I started to feel suffocated at the thought of having to work day in and day out. Getting up at a certain time to be at work at a certain time, taking a break for as long as they prescribe, having a vacation as long as granted. If you dont feel like working that day, tough luck you gotta go anyway. I felt like the rat race was an on ramp with no exit. * I still feel this way and wanna be a rich bum*

Ok so back to this original post ....... I kinda feel the same way about weight and eating. I can vividly remember the summer I fluctuated between 99 and 100 lbs. I thought 100 was this magic number that graduated you into some new body category.......55 lbs later I thought OMG I'm fat! Minus 10 lbs after I thought ok this size aint bad, I can work my way down a bit more slowly. Unexpected life change and 10 lbs after that I looked around and thought 'hey not bad imma stick around here.' Then it dawned on me, am I really going to have to be conscious of what I eat for the rest of my life? I hate checking out the fat content of every package! Or thinking 'oh geez imma have to work this off so I can stay in this range.' It's even harder living in the Caribbean, does anyone know how many calories there are in a cup of goat water?
 I remember watching an Oprah episode where she interviewed some ladies who looked good for their age. One of them said her secret was that she stopped worrying about her size. She said she had an epiphany one day, what if she had gotten hit by a bus, did she really want the last thing she thought about to be I shouldnt have eaten that donut!

I dont know when I will become like this lady, but I wanna do it and just have one less thing to be bothered with!
There are already too many things to be consumed with.....ya I know I live in my head alot :)

Acceptance

Ok I need to start blogging more like seriously what's the point of having one right? But I've been busy really I have I'm trying get some other writing 'projects' done. I started out hot and started to fizzle, but I'm the little engine that can so imma get it done.
Other than that I've been on some weird emotional roller coaster with a lot of weird unexplainable feelings. I have been having a really hard time figuring out what's wrong when everything in my life is pretty right. It was really rainy and grey today and I guess there's something somber about listening to raindrops fall on leaves. That quiet plip plopping allowed me to think about stuff. Two weeks ago I wrote a poem called Acceptance (I deleted it but a saving soul recorded it when I performed it and Ive been to lazy to transcribe it so see the video below)

.

Basically it's about coming to a point where you accept that past for what it is and what it gave you. This includes accepting how your own choices impacted your destruction. That is no an easy point to come to. But most importantly outside of accepting the past for what it is you must accept that the present is not the past. I think of it as using a courier company to get your packages. But this company is a bit careless and the contents of your package always arrive broken. You now expect for them to deliver damage goods. You stock up on crazy glue and accept it as life until you have had enough and get rid of that company. When you find a new suitable company something in you always tenses as you open your package expecting to see bits and pieces of your precious cargo. But  everything is in tact because this company promises to deliver, and that's great, but you still expect -with crazy glue in hand- that things will be broken. At some point you must accept that this company indeed delivers on its promises and you can relax. So my lesson learnt over the past few months is Acceptance the final stage of letting go and feeling the wind beneath your wings.

Wanderlust

Wanderlust: A very strong or irresistible impulse to travel.


I am a broke pocket wanderluster (is this a word?) ....
Anyways here are the places on my lust list. Free tickets are always accepted :D

From since i can remember Venice has been on my lust list. 
There's just something really cool about a city of water. 

I feel in lust with the Greek Isles after watching The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2. 
These islands are just gorgeous, love the architecture, the culture, food and the vistas!

I'm an island girl so you must be asking why i wanna visit another island. 
A friend of mine went to Zanzibar and I wanted to immediately buy a ticket and see if for myself. 

Just the name alone sounds exotic....Morocco! I really like the Africa meets the Middle East vibe of this place... I wanna see it!
I wanna go to the French countryside to relax. I don't have a specific place I just want it to look like this! 

The worst kind of lust is touching somewhere once for a short time which leaves you longing for more. I went to Dominica for a day and became absolutely enchanted. I wanna go back and see more A stat!

This place just seems to have a bit of everything; beauty, culture, city life and history. South Africa maybe I will see you one day! 


In the meantime I am declaring that imma get to all my lusts in my lifetime *please God* :D 

Five Random Rambles

If you are like me nothing brings you more joy than to just watch and listen to people. People that are in no way aware of your attentiveness. Now that you know what I like doing may I share some things that I've heard or saw that either annoy me or make me scratch my head? Yes? Of course you're either gonna continue reading or close the page :)

1) Why do people have to shorten words. Have we become to lazy to talk and use full words? For some reason words like cuzzo and hubby annoy me. Weird I know but I just can't stand those words for some odd reason. Its bad enough that we keep shortening typed words, for goodness sakes let's keep words long and pointed. *ps I don't like the word kudos either, I know it isn't short for anything but I hate that I hate the word and have to use it sometimes, grr*

2) People that talk about getting their summer bodies. I suppose if you live in a temperate climate you store your fat during the winter season and shed it during the summer like bears? I will kinda let y'all slip by. I just wanna know why my Caribbean brothers and sisters talk about their summer body when the place is always hot? Can't I host a beach party in the middle of November? Does this mean everyone covers up cuz they don't have a summer body yet? My peoples its always hot here. You either keeping in shape or not!

3) This natural hair thing....now i really don't care what you do with your hair *except cheap lace fronts there is no tolerance for the bonfire material women put on their heads* ..... where was i? ...oh yes, I really don't care what you do. My issue is that all of a sudden a ton of women jump on the natural hair train fad and turn into evangelical natural hairalistas *yes i made up a term*.... excuse me miss wasn't your hair permed like 3 months ago?? Who died and made you the queen empress of naps? Why are you now telling me that I'm not proud of what I was born with? Umm don't you wear makeup? What's wrong with the face you were given? Don't you have barely there eyebrows so you can pencil them in? Why don't you let them grow bushy as God intended? I am not ashamed of my hair I do what works for me. Don't quote India Arie to me cuz if we are not our hair then it don't matter what we do with it? Am I wrong? Fried, died, straight, curly, kinky, wavy who cares do ya thing....heck go bald if it suits you. Oh yes I said fad, like fashion dreads some people will leap on the train and then fall off in a few years......we see you!!

4) Self Portraits in the bathroom....... I understand that you would like a whole shot of your outfit but ummm with 7 billion people in the world you can't find one person to take a picture of you, with a background that doesn't include the place where people squat to poop? And umm why you take a picture where the flash bounces off the mirror and blots out half your face? Back in the days of film we would say 'the picture spoil!'

5) So I joined the matrix and got BB.......crappy phones btw the only use is the bbm................I must commend RIM they single handedly changed real life, real time interactions in the 21st century. If your friend doesn't come to the movies you can just sit in the movies and update them about how good it is. Oops you missed a really funny moment while you were looking for the laughing emoticon. Your boyfriend didn't come clubbing that's ok, you can stand in the corner bbming him all night. Don't mind us physical people right next to you in the moment, like right now. If this person you are contacting is so important why didn't you stay home with them??

5 random rambles of things that annoy me...that's enough for today ....... at least I made ya smile didn't I :)

Team Madea and a Celeb's crotch

So its black history month....can I first say that I like the man who had the idea for the month thinks that it sucks that people are willing to stick to this one month. He always intended for it to start as a month and branch out...but we black people have helped to contain our history into one month, the shortest month of the year mind you!
Anyways seeing that we are in the month of black then I would like to address two black topics:

1) Tyler Perry
I don't know why so many hate on this man plying his trade. Im personally a fan I LOVE his plays they are funnier than the movies and yes my friends Madea is even more over the top, but I love em. I don't really get why people hate on him and his empire. I've heard that he makes black people look bad because of his buffoonery but I really don't see the difference between him and a Eddie Murphy movie. To appreciate Tyler Perry you gotta look at his work critically. The movies cover a lot of heavy topics. If you took out the comedy and over the top characters you would have a man that makes really deep movies. And while there is nothing wrong with deep movies nobody wants to watch a succession of depressing movies, remember this is about entertaining. With that being said the best way to attract people to a movie that teaches a lesson is to cover it with a layer of side splitting jokes. If you say he always goes over the same topics abuse, drug use and cheating and he doesn't represent black people, i would like to suggest  that he isn't talking to you. Lets stop trying to paint a rosy picture to other races.

There are lots of people being abused, addicted to drugs and involved in other types of scandal. And you know how he reaches these people? He puts in a silly character that keeps them coming back and then he gently inserts a message of hope, redemption and faith. If you can't relate count yourself fortunate. Just give the man a break he isn't making movies about gangsters shooting up the hood or men on a sexual quests. So why not lighten up?!

2) Role models
Rihanna has been coming under a lot of criticism lately because of some of her choices. She and any other celebrity that messes up is judged harshly because they are role models and need to set better examples. Stop the presses.....did they sign a role model application form? First of all as a parent why de ass is your kid listening to Rihanna? Does she sing children's tunes? Why are little girls emulating Nicki Minaj? Wearing pink and calling herself a barbie don't make her kid friendly. I still laugh when i think of the news story about the Parents Council for TV something or the other kicking up a storm about Rihanna's man down video. Apparently it sends the wrong message.....why are kids watching this again???

Parents are what's wrong with the world today not the youth. Why? cuz they are letting the media raise their kids. The media and entertainers have no obligation other than to make $$ to feed themselves. Get a clue parents and show your kids real role models. Tell them about the first black female astronaut so that they can dream big. Tell them about the civil rights women leaders who refused to be treated like animals so that they can raise the standard for themselves. Tell them about the women presidents and nobel peace prize winners so that they can know anything is possible with determination. Don't call up the media when some 21 year old flashes her crotch on a music video, she aint your kid to raise. Children with a strong foundation and sense of self won't be swayed when their fav entertainer goes on a crack binge....


That was my rant for the week......ah i feel sooo much better :)

To Miss Whitney

"When you love someone who suffers from the disease of addiction you await the phone call. There will be a phone call. The sincere hope is that the call will be from the addict themselves, telling you they've had enough, that they're ready to stop, ready to try something new. Of course though, you fear the other call, the sad nocturnal chime from a friend or relative telling you it's too late, she's gone." Russell Brand 

This one hit me so hard that I refused to believe it.  I just can't come to terms with the fact that the woman with the golden voice is gone. Thinking back on my earliest memories of music I can faintly remember my parents having a stereo in the front hallway and my earliest and only memory with this stereo was me and a Whitney Houston song. Every girl I knew who grew up in the 80's and 90's wanted to sing like Whitney. She was undeniably one of the greatest voices of that era. You remember that whole who's better Whitney, Mariah or Celine argument? Whitney always won for me hands down. I mean c'mon this woman remade a song that not only catapulted her into history, but made the original look bad. Find me a girl that has not stood with a fake mic in her hands singing I Will Always Love You, complete with the signature Whitney hand raise and fall at the end of the song.

We all thought that this time she had fought her demons, that this time she was gonna be ok. So I did not expect this call or text or breaking news item. I had refused to believe the tabloids who insinuated that she had slipped back off track. I dismissed them as news vultures who would make the woman's sweaty day into a crack binge side effect.

That voice will forever haunt the airwaves, it had a pureness, a sincereness that made you sing along and have a Whitney day on Youtube. There was a Whitney song for everything, being hopelessly in love, loving your friends, a little strength from God, just a feel good day. I mean who has not turned on 'Where do broken hearts go' and bawled their eyes out? Who has not danced around the room singing 'I wanna dance with somebody'. Who has not taken up a photo of the love of their life and sang 'He's all the man that I need'. The list goes on, my favorite Whitney song goes with my mood, I can't choose.

Under any and everyone of Whitney's songs online amongst the comments of 'I love this song', 'this is my fav jam' and ' i grew up on this' were quite a few 'Please get come back to us Miss Whitney'. We all wanted her back, her family tirelessly fought and did everything under the sun to get her back. But for some reason she did not want this for herself. She could not fight the demons that summoned her back down the path of destruction.

Miss Whitney I will always remember what you said on your last Oprah interview. A life lesson that you left with me, in fact i loved it so much that i wrote it down in the back of my bible. 'I knew God was there. I knew the light was there and I was just trying to get back to it. '
To me it meant that in your darkest of times, no matter how far off the path you have fallen He is always there watching over you, sending a small glimmer of light to help you back.


While I am only speculating on the cause of her death, i have a sad feeling that it corresponds directly with or is a product of her destructive lifestyle.


Whatever it is the world will miss you Miss Whitney, you were one we all prayed for. Not necessarily to sing again or make another hit record but just to be ok, so that you could be that sassy senior citizen belting out notes to make the young ones quiver. 


There is no good in this goodbye, just sad faces and songs on replay .......


RIP always to the woman that made me fall in love with music

The Valentine's Grinch

Many have been questioning where my stance lies on the upcoming commercialized day in February. Like the Grinch who decided to hate Christmas, last year I decided to join his team of holiday hating.......so sue me. Let's get one thing straight, some little Who girl with a funny nose did not sing my little heart unfrozen. What is this day of hearts? Lets examine shall we?

The history of Valentine's Day
Soooo basically nobody is really sure how this whole shebang started! It is alleged, thought, rumored that it had to do with a man named Saint Valentine. He may or may not have protested by marrying couples  against a new law requiring young men to be soldiers and not marry. Or he was possibly jailed for helping tortured Christians and feel in love with the jailer's daughter who he wooed with letters. Therefore Valentine's Day is thought to commemorate his death, they think.
There are some other stories tossed around involving Romans, Pagan festivals, birds mating, fertility, spring......case in point for the opposition nobody knows where this thing came from!
Somewhere along the way the added cupid, roses, lingerie, cards, teddy bears, candlelight and a high dose of sap!

The Modern Valentine's Day 
So upon this day couples are meant to purchase something red, fluffy, sweet, expensive etc. Strangely enough it says 85% of all valentines are bought by women.......so only 15% is by men........word!

Ok but what does the day mean?........
It means that retailers needed some way to boost sales after Christmas. Nobody has money after Christmas has dented your pockets. That sounds about right, I'm sure some old shop keeper in 1855 came across the assorted stories of St Valentine and decided to start peddling cards and flowers.

But seriously what does the day mean?...
Apparently it means that you have right to tell your other half to be romantic....OMG you got me flowers!!!!

And now I'm going to find the most vomit worthy status to place on FB about my over bubbling love, accompanied by the most commercial love songs I can find in a youtube search for love songs! Oh don't forget the couple's pictures *falls on floor from choking on disgust*

Pros 
Remember that part of the Grinch movie where he actually enjoyed the little Christmas festival? Ok here's my turn.
Everything is on special, hey why pass up on the sale!
Dinner discounts, hey if the meals are cheaper eat up people, discounts are hard to come by nowadays!
If you are in love, then spending time with your special one while bathed in red lights and sexy music aint gonna hamper your relationship. Get your groove on aint nothing wrong with a little date.

I think I'm finished with pros teacher.......*puts down hand*

Closing Argument 
In closing your honor, romance should never be cornered into one day. If you only look forward to Valentine's Day to receive attention and gifts then please put down the rose and rethink life. It would be nice to randomly receive a bouquet on a day outside your birthday, anniversary or Valentines. Chocolates are sold year round buy me one on August 8th cuz you heard me say that I'm craving something sweet. I'm just saying here that if you are using Valentine's as a check list item in your requirements to pass for the year then you failed. Valentine's Day should be the garnish you add to a well decorated dish to give it extra flare. Will I do something on said day? Well your honor if a good event/activity comes up with a once a year price, I will consider it based on the fact that I cant pass up a good deal, the company doesn't hurt either. If i don't then.........meh who cares I get chocolates on August 8th. *shameless plug*

Dead Dad's Club

I will always remember watching this scene from Grey's Anatomy, it just struck me when she said, 'Welcome to the Dead Dad's Club'. To others it might sound kind of crass, someone died and you said welcome to the club, say what?
The other day I was in the presence of someone who lost their father. The woman was overwhelmed with all the calls and funeral plans. Another woman in the room said to her 'this will pass, we have all been through this. '  She started pointing us all out, members of the dead dad's club.
Being part of this club means you know what it means to go through the world a little more exposed a little less secure. There is just something about a father that makes you feel protected. And there is no other man in the world that can replace this lost feeling.
I used to get into fights with boyfriends and no matter what sometime afterward I would almost automatically think, if he were only here this would not happen. Irrational i know but the little girl in me always retreated to the place where a man with strong arms would lift me up and put me to bed after falling asleep from crying.
Being part of the dead dad's club means that you have already subscribed to the fact that he will not be there to walk you down the aisle. You have already wondered how you will make that walk without him.
It means that every time that blasted Luther Vandross song plays a lump grows in your throat. People in this club know to switch the chairs around the table so you don't remember someone is missing. It means that at some point when looking through photos from events in your life from graduations and so forth the man that anchors you and protects your side watches on from afar.
You believe this notion that a powerful guardian angel now whispers in the ears of God pleading for your protection.
I guess this post is simply for the purpose of saying if you are not in the club be thankful for the time you stay out of it. And to those who are in it, keep your head up.

Dear Religion......

So last year, although a really good year for me, it was a funny year when it came to religion/spirituality... you know that sort of stuff. I've always had a sort of peace knowing that God/Jesus is somewhere up there and that He knew me and heard my late night mutterings, and on our own terms we had a friendship. I always acknowledged the fact to say thank you and the notion to ask for help when times were rough. Last year for some reason for voices of religious opinion, interpretation and reasoning were extremely loud, nagging and depressing. I kind of felt like i was being told how to be, think and live and if i was outside that box....well my poor soul. In fact at one point i felt that i was not up to scratch. I guess i lost my footing and i let those voices confuse and get to me, making me forget the things I believe and almost just give up. Now this is MY opinion, some may say to each their own, some may pray for my soul (thanks I always appreciate prayers) and some may agree.

Firstly i dont agree or believe in religion it causes more separation than unity. And in religion i also group denominations and anything else that makes people who allegedly believe in the same thing feel divided. With that said although i go to church regularly i don't identify myself in terms of the name on the gate of a building.

I believe that the bible is a good guide book to life. However i think it is highly misinterpreted, tampered with and misused. From what i've grown up seeing the bible is used as a tool of convenience to instruct and control. My biggest problem is that it is used as the only way. You can't tell me that God is all a powerful being and then say that everything he intends for me is captured/explained in 1000 pages, don't sound logical. God is in our essence. The bible is used to justify everything. Oh there's a war- end of days, financial collapse- end of days, hole in the ozone-end of days.......umm how about you start taking care of the earth we were given and stop saying its ending so it doesn't matter....that's crap...its falling apart cuz we don't care. There are many issues outside of the bible/religion that we need to pay attention to instead of making the church a bubble that many people live in. Why were we placed on the earth? *sorry side note*
Remember the movie 'Book of Eli'? Remember how that bad guy was in search of the bible so he could use it to control people? That made so much sense, for in a way that is how it has been used.  I think that people are truly like sheep we need guidance and someone to tell us what to do, where to go, how to act etc. Even if you don't believe in anything there is a prescribed way to atheism. I think we are born with an innate sense to believe in something and to follow. What you believe in and prescribe to depends on what part of the world you grew up in, your race, and your mindset.
I am told we are all sinners, we all make mistakes etc. But it bothers me that some claim to be better than others because they are more 'holy', if sin is sin is sin then what makes you different?

I believe in love, and since God is love then its all the same. Im convinced that if everyone loved each other more friend, foe or stranger the earth would be a better place. If we loved and respected each other there would be no reason to steal, to kill, to abuse or molest. There would be no greed, war or racism.
I am no where near perfect (last i heard no 1 is), some frown at me and give me side eyes and some appreciate me and the light i bring to being around them. I believe, i pray and i have faith. I don't hide who I am or what i do. I don't or can't tell people who is burning in hell and who is going heaven's way. I don't think we have the right to condemn because we are not all knowing. I don't think we should think or talk for God. I think that people should be real and stop hiding behind religion.
I don't know if i'm right or wrong who really know, because everyone thinks they are right. Everyone thinks their way is the right and only way..... *side note* why do we take pleasure in thinking we are right and the people on that side of the world are wrong -nah nah boo boo, ur going down. I think we are all different for a reason.

Ok I've said a lot .....just love, respect and give thanks.

Happy 2012

Happy New year to my readers and friends!
After reflecting on my post 365 days ago and the mindset i planned to have i would like to say, mission accomplished! Green Pastures-check, Blue skies-check, unmeasurable hope-check, check. I think 2011 turned out pretty well for me, and I feel like my faith in the things unseen and hope in the things asked for is what brought me through. And that led to my pretty awesome year.
Dear 2012, there doesn't seem to be a lot of optimism about you. But i don't rest my hope on predictions and statistics. Life is what you make it and i intend to make it awesome. My mantra for this year is to 'Let it Be' i focus too much on trying to figure things out. I try to control things that are completely out of my hands and i try to push for things that are not ready to be......so I'm going to Let it be!
No resolutions really in terms of getting things done things come up, opportunities present themselves and I just need to take them and ride it out.

Once again
Peace & Blessings from the Moondancer
Happy New Year :)