Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The natural vs relaxer thing....

First a little disclaimer: this blog is in no way a 'hater' post.
Aint it a shame that one has to add disclaimers because people get too sensitive sometimes?

 Anyways to the business at hand. I was enjoying my daily black women's lifestyle/entertainment reading when I came across an article about dispelling the myths of relaxers. So I read it and basically it spoke about how relaxers aren't as bad as they are made out to be, you just have to take care of it etc. I happened to scroll down to the comments. *side note anywhere 2 or 3 are gathered on the internet expect cussing.*
So this one lady says that she is glad for the article because she has had a relaxer for a long time and going back natural isnt something she can handle because of the thickness of her hair. In comes trouble, a natural nazi as one person called her proceeded to curse at the first commenter for not embracing her 'real' self. This is not the first time I have heard this argument. Now currently trending is being a naturalista just like a few years ago when everyone wanted to be a sistren by growing some locks. As with the locks phase, time will tell who the real naturalistas are. And of course the media and hair industry has picked up on this trend and is charged and ready to peddle as many products and services as possible. What you didn't notice?

I took offense to miss lady's comment. Why do I not love myself because of the way I keep my hair? When India Arie sang 'I am not my hair' she wasnt just talking to the 'sistas'. In essence, she was saying  dont make your judgements based on appearance. Now unless you are a natural haired empress in a nudist colony my dear lady you are also probably committing some offense. Hair is only a drop in the bucket. For me I love to see my friends with their cool natural styles and what's not. But I also hear them talk about their regiments and this chick right here cant plait and has unruly hair that doesnt even yield to my command when under the influence of some chemicals! So I choose the easier option for me. Don't scoff and tell me to learn to handle my hair. When a Caucasian woman straightens out her thick curly sue tresses it's not an issue. Now note well that I completely understand the socio-cultural issues that exist in regards to natural hair, this isnt about that. *Read the last statement again before you say but...*
This is about not finding one more thing to divide and alienate women from each other. All of a sudden I'm seeing relaxer vs natural articles that people wage World War 3 about. Why cant we accept that everyone has a right to do what they want with their hair? Nobody embraces their natural, plain selves. Don't raise your hand and say no no but I do.

If you wear make up hiding your natural face, put down your hand. If you give a bra company extra money for  pushup, padding, make my breast sexier bras put down your hand. If you use accessories or other addies like nails or polish to enhance your appearance and cant be without them put your hand down. If you bleach, dye or iron your hair, please sit. If you wax, pluck or thread your brows please go to the back of the class. You see where I'm going right? We all do things to ourselves that deviate from our 'natural' selves from makeup to hair. So if women wanna straighten, lengthen, shave, color or whatever it's ok because we all do it in different ways. And none of these things are permanent so what's all the fuss about? That's just my thought :) *had to vent here, I dont do the internet arguments!*

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Boxed in

I'm claustrophobic, not horribly but I am aware of confined spaces more than the regular person.  A funny thing happened on the way to starting this post... I was trying to figure out a way of saying what I wanted to talk about, then it dawned on me that my claustrophobia wasnt just physical. I remember the months leading up to my graduation from university. I started to feel suffocated at the thought of having to work day in and day out. Getting up at a certain time to be at work at a certain time, taking a break for as long as they prescribe, having a vacation as long as granted. If you dont feel like working that day, tough luck you gotta go anyway. I felt like the rat race was an on ramp with no exit. * I still feel this way and wanna be a rich bum*

Ok so back to this original post ....... I kinda feel the same way about weight and eating. I can vividly remember the summer I fluctuated between 99 and 100 lbs. I thought 100 was this magic number that graduated you into some new body category.......55 lbs later I thought OMG I'm fat! Minus 10 lbs after I thought ok this size aint bad, I can work my way down a bit more slowly. Unexpected life change and 10 lbs after that I looked around and thought 'hey not bad imma stick around here.' Then it dawned on me, am I really going to have to be conscious of what I eat for the rest of my life? I hate checking out the fat content of every package! Or thinking 'oh geez imma have to work this off so I can stay in this range.' It's even harder living in the Caribbean, does anyone know how many calories there are in a cup of goat water?
 I remember watching an Oprah episode where she interviewed some ladies who looked good for their age. One of them said her secret was that she stopped worrying about her size. She said she had an epiphany one day, what if she had gotten hit by a bus, did she really want the last thing she thought about to be I shouldnt have eaten that donut!

I dont know when I will become like this lady, but I wanna do it and just have one less thing to be bothered with!
There are already too many things to be consumed with.....ya I know I live in my head alot :)

Saturday, May 5, 2012


Ok I need to start blogging more like seriously what's the point of having one right? But I've been busy really I have I'm trying get some other writing 'projects' done. I started out hot and started to fizzle, but I'm the little engine that can so imma get it done.
Other than that I've been on some weird emotional roller coaster with a lot of weird unexplainable feelings. I have been having a really hard time figuring out what's wrong when everything in my life is pretty right. It was really rainy and grey today and I guess there's something somber about listening to raindrops fall on leaves. That quiet plip plopping allowed me to think about stuff. Two weeks ago I wrote a poem called Acceptance (I deleted it but a saving soul recorded it when I performed it and Ive been to lazy to transcribe it so see the video below)


Basically it's about coming to a point where you accept that past for what it is and what it gave you. This includes accepting how your own choices impacted your destruction. That is no an easy point to come to. But most importantly outside of accepting the past for what it is you must accept that the present is not the past. I think of it as using a courier company to get your packages. But this company is a bit careless and the contents of your package always arrive broken. You now expect for them to deliver damage goods. You stock up on crazy glue and accept it as life until you have had enough and get rid of that company. When you find a new suitable company something in you always tenses as you open your package expecting to see bits and pieces of your precious cargo. But  everything is in tact because this company promises to deliver, and that's great, but you still expect -with crazy glue in hand- that things will be broken. At some point you must accept that this company indeed delivers on its promises and you can relax. So my lesson learnt over the past few months is Acceptance the final stage of letting go and feeling the wind beneath your wings.