Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Boxed in

I'm claustrophobic, not horribly but I am aware of confined spaces more than the regular person.  A funny thing happened on the way to starting this post... I was trying to figure out a way of saying what I wanted to talk about, then it dawned on me that my claustrophobia wasnt just physical. I remember the months leading up to my graduation from university. I started to feel suffocated at the thought of having to work day in and day out. Getting up at a certain time to be at work at a certain time, taking a break for as long as they prescribe, having a vacation as long as granted. If you dont feel like working that day, tough luck you gotta go anyway. I felt like the rat race was an on ramp with no exit. * I still feel this way and wanna be a rich bum*

Ok so back to this original post ....... I kinda feel the same way about weight and eating. I can vividly remember the summer I fluctuated between 99 and 100 lbs. I thought 100 was this magic number that graduated you into some new body category.......55 lbs later I thought OMG I'm fat! Minus 10 lbs after I thought ok this size aint bad, I can work my way down a bit more slowly. Unexpected life change and 10 lbs after that I looked around and thought 'hey not bad imma stick around here.' Then it dawned on me, am I really going to have to be conscious of what I eat for the rest of my life? I hate checking out the fat content of every package! Or thinking 'oh geez imma have to work this off so I can stay in this range.' It's even harder living in the Caribbean, does anyone know how many calories there are in a cup of goat water?
 I remember watching an Oprah episode where she interviewed some ladies who looked good for their age. One of them said her secret was that she stopped worrying about her size. She said she had an epiphany one day, what if she had gotten hit by a bus, did she really want the last thing she thought about to be I shouldnt have eaten that donut!

I dont know when I will become like this lady, but I wanna do it and just have one less thing to be bothered with!
There are already too many things to be consumed with.....ya I know I live in my head alot :)


  1. yup I definitely feel you...I often wonder "Do I really want to live on healthy stuff my whole life only to get headaches like regular people, be grumpy cause I have cravings and still die of nothing?" "Do I really want to feel guilty if I have a slice of cheesecake once in a blue moon?" "Does it ever end?" I remain caught up in the "I need to lose weight" cycle ..."I need to wake up early and face those bitchy clients" cycle ...hell some days I just want to say f%$* IT ...hell I wanna be a rich bum too...but guess what, even rich bums have these same issues hehehe so REALLY ...what's a girl to do?