The making of Through the Window

This book has been through the fire and back, this tale actually starts in 2008... yes that long ago. I decided that I was going to write again, a novel this time. It was partly to prove to myself that I had talent beyond my first book. Yeah everyone loved the first one but I didnt like it. Basically it was the product of an upper year university course called 'Publishing a book' the stories were all class assignments throughout the years, ( yes I had courses in creative writing, pretty sweet). When republished by a 'real' publishing house I felt better but I wanted to really write something fresh.
So I opened my laptop and started. The story was originally going to be based on my love life ( if you know the whole story from 19 when you know its worth being printed). So I jacked up the ages of the characters and off I went. By page 3 I absolutely, positively hated it! So I took the file and dragged into my virtual trash can.
I pondered for a few months, then thought of something else. I wont go into details incase I revisit the idea but it was entitled 'Dear Serena'. I really cant remember how many pages I had but then boom.... the supposedly reliable Mac crashed... No I didnt have the file backed up its a Mac!!! dammit they dont crash right....
Fast forward the painstaking months it took to get my laptop returned from the states. I didnt feel 'Dear Serena' anymore. I was channel surfing and caught the tale end of a movie it was the convo between Queen Elizabeth and Sir Walter Raleigh. I wont say what they said it will give away the end of the book. But it gave me an idea and the life and times of my dear Anya were born. By mid 2009 I had finished and was ready to look for an agent and publisher. I did some research and to my dismay my book had fallen short of being considered a full length novel :(
That unfortunate news sent me into a depression, yep just really bummed out for months and months.
One day I opened the file and read it again, I have to say Im in love with the book and felt in my inner core that it had to be published some way some how. So I decided to go with my last publisher (didnt want to). The day after I sent the file, they sent the contract. Yay!! wait.. someone advised me to wait for my 1st check before signing. I waited, then I called .... I didnt sign.. lets leave it at that. Back to stage one, my new years resolution for 2010 was to get this book published by hook or by crook. I decided to look into self publishing/print on demand. I researched and found Create Space, they had lots of positive reviews and were owned by Amazon, what better rep can you ask for? I layed it out myself, sought an editor and a cover designer. I know by acquaintance lots of artists but I didnt know who to ask. Then one day on facebook a very good friend of mine from university posted some of her stuff and I said bingo!
The cover is more than I expected I'm in love, Felicia Mings, you are amazing :)
And that's the story of 'Through the Window' all the reviews so far have been far beyond my hopes. It is always nerve racking to expose your 'baby' to others. I feel so good right now. I'm happy and couldn't be prouder of 'Through the Window'
I hope you also enjoy!! Feel free to leave a review on facebook or here when you do read.
Its now available at Best of Books, Antigua and amazon.com. Check out my launch Nov 4th, 7pm,Best of Books, Royal Palm Place. Come and get your signed copy.

Night whispers

She whispers out into the dark 'I just don't understand this is not how fairytales end...'
© F.A.W

I cant remember

Its turned around, black velvet facing me. Curiosity brings my hands to touch it. And as though Superman touches kryptonite, power seeps out my veins. I stare at a picture of me and another. But I dont know you, just a stranger in a picture next to me. Just someone I think I used to know, someone whose name I no longer remember. Its like I have one of those diseases where I can't recall, cuz i look at you and have no idea what you mean to me.
Did someone die? Cuz i feel like someone left me and went to a place of no return, but I dont know who that was. I stare at this picture with the waves crashing in the background, a gorgeous 8x10 and nothing comes to mind, no feeling emerge. I just stare and wonder who is this person that I press my face against. How come they are so close to me and I dont seem to mind. How come I dont wanna cry cuz i miss them or smile cuz of fond memories. There's nothing I feel as empty as the eyes staring back at me. Something is missing from this picture, the 1000 words, there are no words flowing from this frame. This photo has no soul, no spirit something has gone from it. But what? something was there, something familiar, possibly happy, possibly surreal. Now its just colored ink on paper behind a glass surrounded by wood. A reproduction of two people on a beach at dusk...who are they... what were they ....why arent they......

Thank you Norma Jean

Thanks for the link Gabby
And thanks for the things I needed to hear Marilyn .. this quote is beautiful, it comes off as though she is talking directly to me. I can imagine her sitting across the table with her classic red lips and sun beam smile assuring me that things will be better. Not talking to me as the celebrity Marilyn Monroe, but just a good friend, Norma Jean Baker.


"This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."

I hope she......

So i was watching this clip of Marsha Ambrosuis. Her new song 'I hope she cheats on you, with a basketball player' is a song i absolutely love! And her interview where she explained the song made me love it more!
She says "Realistically you have that thought in the back of your mind, that says I hope you fail without me. And no one ever speaks on that emotion. I think if i'd have just done the corny 'i hope your happy in life without me, baby', everyone has heard that song. Its just something you say cuz its the right thing to say. No I decided to say the thing that you wanna say..."
I sat watching and nodding and said yes, sista, yes! Just be honest just say how you really feel. I remember talking to someone who, to me, was immensely screwed over and burned and she say 'No Im fine as long as he's happy, I'm happy.' Im glad we were talking on msn cuz my face expression was the priceless, WTH!! Years later I found out that was a facade, the thing she thought was to be said. But why aren't we honest. Why is that the right thing to say? How come when you say this, you are called 'bitter'? If someone steps on your toe with steel toe boots and it hurts like hell and you express your pain, why are you called a cry baby, and told to toughen up? WTH it actually, physically hurts, bruise, blood and all!
I like when artists are above the norm and honest. Yes there are a million 'you broke my heart, i miss you, i love you, come back home, songs.' *see Unbreak my Heart, Toni Braxton* Or the 'Im so hurt, you did me wrong, Im gonna have to move on' *see One Last Cry- Brian Mcknight*.
You are damn right Marsha I hope she cheats on you with a basketball player. As Keyshia Cole says 'I shoulda cheated' or Kelis downright states with no apologies 'I hate you so much right now.'
As the poet Queen Sheba (thanks for that Cella) says 'I know I should hope that you are happy even if its not with me. But Im not that mature!'
Say it, just say it, say what you really feel and stop this sugar coating! And stop telling people 'oh you shouldnt say that it's mean, don't be so bitter. Move on.'
I do believe God gave us feelings for a reason, it is what we do with those feelings that is wrong or right. We can be bitter and deal with it with time and prayer or we could plot a master plan of revenge, (right and wrong). But you cant deal with something until you say it, until you are completely honest. Show me one person who was crushed and stepped on by someone else to reach the top, that says I hope they are really successful at the top. I will show you one helluva liar! One day I suppose a point will come where you just dont care. Where you say 'you reap what you sow' or 'Imma come out on top just you wait and see'. Until then dont fool yourself, just say it! The first step to recovery is admission.
Signed first step patient :)

The Grey revelations

I love the remaining minutes of Grey Anatomy, Meredith's closing thoughts are always things to ponder.

"When there's something you really want, fight for it, dont give up no matter how hopeless, it seems. And when you've lost hope ask yourself if 10 yrs from now you're gonna wish you gave it just 1 more shot, Because the best things in life dont come free."

"We deny that we’re tired, we deny that we’re scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed, and most importantly, we deny that we’re in denial.
We only see what we want to see, and believe what we want to believe. And it works. We lie to ourselves so much that, after a while, the lies start to seem like the truth.
We deny so much, that we can’t recognize the truth, right in front of our faces…
Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long.
We are tired. We are scared. Denying it doesn’t change the truth. Sooner or later, we have to put aside our denial and face the world head-on, guns blazing.
Denial. It’s not just a river in Egypt. It’s a freaking ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?"
Dont you just love Greys!