Sunday, April 24, 2011

Change the voices.....

 "You're so mean, when you talk, about yourself you were wrong.
Change the voices, in your head, make them like you instead.
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game.
It's enough! I've done all I can think of.
Chased down all my demons, i've seen you do the same"-- Pink

So I had a fight with myself, a huge cuss out, drag in the mud, i totally hate you argument, with me. No there is no typo, don't act like you never argued with yourself! It was one of those weird days where my mind decided to go into self destruction mode and I had a hard time finding the red wire. After the whole meltdown was averted, I reflected on our confrontation. As usual the 'positive' side of me was overpowered by thoughts of the worst. Usually when these fights occur there's a specific reason that needs to be targeted after the dust has settled. It usually that i have allowed something or someone to poison me, my essence, my inner core. I only realised what had caused this fight when someone said to me 'you are not the same Floree'. What not the same me! Of course I didnt change I just think different, i said. But really was it because i had matured or because after a bout with poisoning, my immune system had not recovered properly?
Yep I've been poisoned, slow poisoned at that to the point where i have turned against myself. At any given moment my mind can begin attacking me with things that I must convince myself of not being true. It's funny I can be like a pretty house with a beautiful garden but when you open the door to go inside you realise that the inside is in disarray.
We are our own worst enemies (well i know that's my case), the mind is such a powerful organ! Your mind can make you see and believe things that are not there to the point where you are completely convinced. I guess the first and most important step is to always figure out how this thought was planted and then begin to eradicate it. Thankfully I have a direct line to a Man in the sky when i need help, really good friends that keep drumming it into my thick skull and that Pink song!

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