Sunday, June 19, 2011

The secret

There's this married couple who I truly admire, in fact I will go out on a limb and say that they are my favorite married couple. I suppose that looking passed them being 2 really cool individuals they just seem to have a marriage that a) isnt primped and proper for company and b) is something one would actually want in life one day. I was privy to their #1 reason for having a successful, admirable marriage, as soon as I heard 'you guys wanna know our secret?' I opened my mental note pad. The secret is that they have a friendship that takes precident over everything else i.e sex and emotions, hence when the latter 2 falter they still have their friendship. I pondered this statement and thought but aren't all couples friends? I thought of other couples I knew and realised that maybe not. There are some couples that are literally just that a couple. They make sure they do the things that 'couples' are supposed to and they are good at maintaining this.  

So what is a friendship between couples?  I kinda think that it's the point where it's your go to person, the person that knows you inside out and not because they have seen every part of you. Many people think of their 'person' as just the person to put in hours with. When it should be the person you wanna make happy just because their happiness means alot to you.  It's the same premise as having a regular friend, you dont spend mandatory time around friends nobody does that. People spend time with their friends because its fun and they love to do it. People love their friends because they can be themselves. And because their friends are real with them. Many couples aren't real with each other, they dont say what they really feel they say what they think the other person wants to hear. Some do it to score points while others just aren't comfortable.

On a more serious note being friends in a relationship is like being on a team both working for the common goal of 'winning' and winning could be having a fun, long lasting relationship. Whereas those who are not friends are kinda like co-workers. People in the same boat who are working to get paid, each out for themself, each doing what they are supposed to do. 
The best example i can think of is the Huxtables, they were a team, they enjoyed each other, they conferred, they respected each other.
So I'm not married and never been so im really just guessing and probably just scraping the surface of this topic. All I know is I want a man that is my friend first lover second.

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