Sunday, January 22, 2012

Dead Dad's Club

I will always remember watching this scene from Grey's Anatomy, it just struck me when she said, 'Welcome to the Dead Dad's Club'. To others it might sound kind of crass, someone died and you said welcome to the club, say what?
The other day I was in the presence of someone who lost their father. The woman was overwhelmed with all the calls and funeral plans. Another woman in the room said to her 'this will pass, we have all been through this. '  She started pointing us all out, members of the dead dad's club.
Being part of this club means you know what it means to go through the world a little more exposed a little less secure. There is just something about a father that makes you feel protected. And there is no other man in the world that can replace this lost feeling.
I used to get into fights with boyfriends and no matter what sometime afterward I would almost automatically think, if he were only here this would not happen. Irrational i know but the little girl in me always retreated to the place where a man with strong arms would lift me up and put me to bed after falling asleep from crying.
Being part of the dead dad's club means that you have already subscribed to the fact that he will not be there to walk you down the aisle. You have already wondered how you will make that walk without him.
It means that every time that blasted Luther Vandross song plays a lump grows in your throat. People in this club know to switch the chairs around the table so you don't remember someone is missing. It means that at some point when looking through photos from events in your life from graduations and so forth the man that anchors you and protects your side watches on from afar.
You believe this notion that a powerful guardian angel now whispers in the ears of God pleading for your protection.
I guess this post is simply for the purpose of saying if you are not in the club be thankful for the time you stay out of it. And to those who are in it, keep your head up.


  1. Funny you should share this! This year makes 17 years since mine passed away. I will never think it gets easier but I become more accustomed to the world without him. I appreciate and value having sister friends to share and talk to - some days when I feel low. It is a club yes - but at least we know we aren't alone.