The marriage thing....

I consider myself an average female when it comes to thoughts on love and marriage. Many have called me a romantic, miss fairytale, Disney princess(wait nobody calls me that) lol...I was probably the guillable young girl that swooned as Sleeping Beauty danced around the forest singing 'One Day my Prince Will Come'. At some point of my life I was completed sold on the magical marriage part of  life...aka the fairytale wedding and the words 'happily ever after' as end credits. The dress, the bridesmaids, flowers, cake, smiles and planning. Time and maturity quickly gave me a swift kick in the face and opened my eyes to the reality that marriage is a life commitment and not just a fun day with friends and family. Unfortunately there are some women who cant get passed the idea of having a wedding and a ring. Once they get that day and that bling they turn on auto pilot and cruise through life.

After this eye opening kick I began to slowly become slightly terrified of getting married. It's a big deal! It's more than living with a man, doing household chores and raising kids. It's an active commitment to making it work, to deal with the attitude, with the differences, with the times you want the person out your space. What scares me more is what I see when I look around. I am beginning to see the 50% divorce rate play out in my newsfeed. It freaks me out to see the wedding photos of couples crying on the alter and then 2 years later notice strange statuses, absent wedding bands and removal of recently acquired last names. I'm not watching the older people married for 40 years, I'm looking at my peers, I am hoping that they can show me the good example. The example that puts your mind at ease, that although hard it can be done.
It gives me mini anxiety attacks, because I often wonder if these people had started off on a known crash course. You know the ones that people whisper about...'why are they getting married?' Or are they the earnest notion of love, seemingly happy, in love and committed. What goes wrong in 1-5 years? Didn't they like anyone else start out with the will to make it work? I guess pictures dont really tell a thousand words, because in pictures everyone looks perfect. There are young people that I know and see that give me that hope and knowledge that it indeed can be done and through the challenges it can be worth it. *Thank God for good examples*

There's a couple I see every so often when I walk to my car in the afternoon. The husband is usually sitting on the steps of a building waiting on his wife to come down the road. Once she get to him they smile and share a kiss and begin walking down the road, engrossed in conversation. That isnt a show (they dont know I'm watching), that isnt a picture in an album on a day you are supposed to smile alot. It is just two people glad to be spending thier lives together. They make me smile every time, my little reminder that love is all around if you just look. And that the scary marriage statistics, just mean that you have to work even harder than you originally thought.
To my married friends fight in the trenches, get mud in your hair if you must just please hold it together.

As for me and my anxiety, I will repeat the words of my adopted grandmother -she doesn't know this yet.
 'Trust in love one more time and always one more time.' ~Maya Angelou~

Live your life like your playing mas!

Carnival is over ... back to regularly scheduled programming *insert pouty face* All the fetes, limes and sessions are over *insert sigh* And of course my favourite part, mas, is non existent for another 360 something days. Mas gets alot of side eyes nowadays and I just wanna say something about it. I love it! I love the fact that I can dress up in something different, it's kinda of like the feeling some people have when getting to dress up for halloween. I love my feathers and beads and stockings. I love jumping and jamming until evening. I love being surrounded by my friends. Some say it has nothing to do with emancipation. I disagree in a way. Although history states that there was no epic street party after the emancipation declaration, the point is we have the freedom now to do so. There are lots of persons who overdo, who have lost their self respect and who have not made the parade very family friendly. I too roll my eyes with disgust at some of these persons. But I refuse to let the bad eggs spoil this time of year for me. If I did, then they, and their behaviour would win and how cool is that?
So if you want to know why I have found myself in costume for 12 years in a row every August that is my answer. I just love it and know who I am, why I am doing it and how I want to be seen. Cheers to my mas lovers, to those who love to chip down the road and forget their worries for a few hours for two days. The world is depressing enough sometimes why not have a little fun until the music truck locks off and tells you to go home! Ahh boy back to life ....

1/2 year update

I'm stuck! All my writing projects on dangling in a hinterland of black space. Nobody is talking loud enough to me right now to warrant me listening and writing. I must admit that the pressure to produce is absolutely overwhelming! The constant, reoccurring question from family, friends and strangers is always 'When is your next book?' or 'What are you working on now?' I usually have a politically correct answer like 'there is also something on the burner' or 'I'm working on a few things.' I learnt at a workshop years ago to never tell people what you are working on. Truth is there is nothing eminent, nothing close to completion and I have no deadline or goal as to when that will be. Some changes need to be made to my first book but other than that things are slow. J.K Rowling was sitting on a train when an adventurous little boy popped into her imagination. I have no doubt that my Harry Potter will appear when I least expect it.

Just by admitting that I was stuck. It was suggested to me to write a few words about my vision board and a spark for a blog post was lit. The year has just entered its second half so it is safe to access my progress.

I decided to stick to my mantra in life, actually live it and not just talk about it and quote it everywhere.  To be the Moondancer you actually have to live fearlessly. This is quite difficult for a person who is naturally careful, calculated, worrisome and self conscious. But I have been doing well and learning to live for my happiness and not that of others who tell me what they want for me and expect me to comply. I know they are well intentioned, but at the end of the day. It is my life and I have to live it.

According to my board I hoped to
Do me, be me - Slowly but surely I am coming out of the box drawn around me and becoming Floree....for example I bought and wore quite a scandalous number because I loved it and wanted to come out my comfort zone. Are there people in my life who felt it was inappropriate? Sure, but that's not how I felt and I enjoyed the experience and I am coming to love my body more and more.

Love Better- It wasn't that I was loving badly. I am great at loving but it is hard for me to be loved because of certain issues I have had. But I am getting better. Having someone that is understanding and patient makes the process so much smoother.

Get Fit- Since January I have been working with a trainer, except for one month I have been constant and I like my process. At first I thought I would only go until May. But I think I am going to stick with the trainer for the year.

That's it, I am doing me, being me, making my choices and not apologizing for it.

Ps I must once again thank my friend Amina for the vision board session. I would also like to thank Brenda Lee for her words of inspiration :) I love being surrounded by such amazing women.

Love, Marilyn

I am about to talk about Marilyn Monroe again....you may have heard me speak about her before, this is new stuff so walk with me :) Dont ya love my preambles?

HBO premiered a documentary called Love, Marilyn which featured journal notes from a recently found box of Marilyn's belongings. I became fascinated with Marilyn after I read a few of her quotes. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that she wasnt a dumb blonde. After watching Love, Marilyn I can say that she has truly earned my respect. This woman was an actress. From a young age she wanted to act, not be famous or look cute or take pictures, she wanted to act. And so much of her life was dedicated to getting into the business, learning the craft and getting roles. She knew what she had to do to get through the door and she did it unapologetically. The tragic thing about this story is that she couldnt be who she wanted to be. You know what depressed Marilyn Monroe? Not being able to get roles that were deep that were passed being a ditzy blonde in a tight skirt. She wanted to be taken seriously she wanted to use her acting skills. But to the world around her she was a trophy, her beauty was her gift and her curse. Men wanted to look at her not give her roles with complex characters. You know I think that Marilyn would have been happier in the 21st century. Think about it, back in her days there weren't many movies or opportunities. She was on a contract with a production company and had to act in what she was given...although she gave them the finger a few times and got fired (I love a chick with guts) Nowadays she would have had a choice. If mainstream wasnt taking her seriously then she coulda done indie films and had her undiscovered gem moment. Marilyn Monroe tried to pursue her dreams, she ate, slept and died with her dreams. I salute you Norma Jean Baker....Live your dreams!

The Silver Linings of a Troubled Mind

I finally got around to watching Silver Linings Playbook...yes finally! I absolutely loved every anxiety driven moment of it. Btw I still think that Quvenzhane deserved the Oscar for Beasts of the Southern Wild...I'm just saying! Upon reflection I realised that although humourous the movie touched on a topic that we often laugh about. When someone suffers a heartbreak we say 'they took it on', we tell them to stop whimpering and whining and man up. We laughed about the man that ran around town naked after his partner allegedly left him. Men arent allowed to cry and women only have a few tolerable days to sulk before their friends and family give them a stern talking to.

Silver Linings Playbook illustrated the fact that some people cant man up and face life as directed. Some people with no fault of their own, mentally fall apart. Anybody can break. We keep selling this myth that weak people fall apart, that the weak go 'crazy' and that the weak go to therapy three times a week. When the conditions align against you even the 'strongest' of persons can snap under pressure. I've had friends that have scared the crap outta me with things they have said or done indicating that they were close to breaking. Scared me to the point that I wanted to go to counseling to get advice on helping them. The worse thing to do would have been to attempt operation tough love. Sometimes all you can do is offer some alternatives. Sometimes all you have to say is 'I want to help you, tell me what you need.'

Today's lesson- Be gentle, be understanding even if you don't get it, and most importantly help where and when you can.

For the love of Janet Jackson & the small of her back!

Recently a friend of mine, whose presence I cherish greatly, composed a blog posting to 'The Girls Whose Thighs Touch'. She delved into the issues and triumphs of being a girl whose thighs touch. I would like to dedicate this post to the girls who love small of their back....stay with me I promise this will make sense shortly.
Janet Jackson did an in-depth interview a few years back. I like these kind of heart to heart interviews, I always get to see the human side of the star. She spoke about her struggle with self esteem. Janet revealed that the one thing she loved most about her body was the small of her back. I have never in my life heard someone say 'The small of her back is so hot.' or 'I wish I had a lower back like her.'
I was dumbfounded to hear that she didnt really like much else. The woman that has been on the cover of multiple magazines, the one walking the red carpet in some sexy mid- drift bearing outfits, the mega star that performs for hundreds on a nightly basis doesnt find herself attractive? I found it ironic. In 2001, I actually tore off the cover of a magazine and took it to the makeup store. I wanted her look for prom....it didnt work out the same but I adored the picture and wanted to look as sweet as her.

After I got over the shock of her admission, I saw a real person, a person I wanted to have lunch with. She went on to say that she struggled with weight gain as a child and that her brood of siblings would poke fun at her. She relayed that poking fun at each other wasnt uncommon to them, nor is it uncommon to kids. But not all children are built the same. Not all of them have found their identity, so they have nothing to base their strength on. So what  doesn't bother one child, can scar another. And for once in my life I didnt feel alone. I didnt feel weak. I didnt feel misunderstood because this woman who I have never met explained why I couldnt manage the jeers of others. I didnt feel crazy to think that once in my life I would have probably said that my fingers were my best asset. I thought I could say my fingers and no one would compare me or disagree. To hear this woman photographed by thousands, say that she kinda likes her butt now and that she is only now beginning to appreciate herself in her 40s was a huge relief.
It doesn't matter if you are the subject of a photo shoot or standing in your mirror. A part of the reflection you see is what the outside world has engrained in you. For some of us the world hasn't been too kind. For some of us a general appreciation of self is only now developing. Miss Janet Jackson if you ever see this, I just wanted to let you know that I heard you, I understand and thanks for saying it.

Stupid In Love - Admit One

I was on vacation....that's my story and I'm sticking with it....well preparing for vacation then going, hence the lapse...but enough of the excuses....let's get straight to the topic....
Why do seemingly sensible women make the dumbest decisions when it comes to men?

Now before you call me the biggest hypocrite known to man, let me explain myself. I was young and stupid...aight I realise that excuse has holes. I have a theory, that everyone deserves one Stupid In Love Pass. Yep a Stupid in Love Pass (this is the original idea of Floree A. Williams). I think as humans we all deserve a chance to mess up because we fell down the rabbit hole of love, and didnt know what to do with ourselves. It's a pass to have the relationship that embarrasses you years later. But you only get one pass, because you should have learned something after the pass expires. You should have  learned the danger of following the white rabbit down a hole where you have no footing. I would hope that the next time you see a white rabbit and you wanna follow him that you can get a rope, tie it to a tree and repel down. But beware there is fine print on the pass. Not everyone's stupid in love story ends with a rainbow after a stormy past. The world out there is dangerous and the cost of the wrong tango can be life changing.

You must be wondering where I'm going with this...I've become aware lately through observation that some women I know whether personally or from afar are in some situations with men that make me scratch my head. Women that I look at as strong, independent, sensible and all together. Mmmm imagine that you found out that Condoleezza Rice was dating that dude you see hanging on the corner 24/7 with his pants waist under his bottom.

You would shake her right? And say 'what is wrong with you woman!' You are highly intelligent and classy! What's with this dud?

Now here comes the Neutral Police....you know the people that always try to say, 'well maybe he's a nice guy, dont judge a book by the cover, she's happy'..blah.. blah.. I once heard someone say that we have become a generation of people who are so busy trying not to step on people's toes that we dont say things as they are.
He's the dude whose biggest priority is getting expensive bottle service at the club to floss and cant pay child support. He's the dude that is very married and has the usual 'imma leave my wife' excuse. He's the dude who is extremely possessive and controlling. Don't tell me I'm judging that guy and define happy for me!  He is what he is and doesn't do much to hide it. For some sad reason that woman thought it best to lower her standards to be with him. That woman is your good friend/sister/ aunt and she deserves better than him. Sometimes we say this outloud if we are brash, or softly if we feel wary. And sometimes, alot of times, she lashes back and takes it the wrong way.

Maybe she doesnt think better exists, maybe she is tired of looking and is ready to settle with the next guy that says a sweet word. Maybe she doesnt think much of herself. Whatever it is I just wanted to say  we all deserve better!