The Misunderstandings of the 20's

As I begin the last laps of my 20's -insert terrified face coupled with the Doritos goat scream- I have started the slow process of reflecting on this decade of growth and change. I've gotta laugh at the thought of how ill prepared I was for being an adult.There is no manual called How to be Twenty Something. And seeing that these are the years where you are likely to screw up life the most there really should be more preparatory information!  Let me tell you why:

1) Every 20 something year old who has graduated a teritary institution takes off the cap and gown and feels empowered and ready to conquer the world with degree in hand. No one tells you that 4 years of school is just an expensive formality. You get to your first job and find out that being able to write an essay on a theory, created by some old, white, dead guy aint gonna help you one bit! Working is where the learning starts apparently... *rolls eyes*

2) You do not know it all! Enough said!

3) All those benchmarks that you made in your younger days were just hot air. I remember being high school and stating that I would be married by 25 and kids by 27-28 after I had travelled the world with my husband and enjoyed our marriage, oh ps we would have a 2 story house as well. At age 16, turning 25 sounded like this magical age where you had life together. You get to 25 and realise that you were so not ready for the world and that little girl had no idea what she was saying!

4) You are young, wild and free live it up, your time is now. While I agree that one should enjoy your 20's to the max, the people that told you to live it up forgot to tell you the fine print.  Anything you do now to screw up your life is totally your fault and is way harder to reverse than when you were 18. Think of all the firsts you go through in your 20's - 1st real job, 1st bank loan, 1st promotion, 1st adult relationship. You have passed the young and foolish stage, you are no longer none the wiser and according to science your brain has fully developed! Aka Mommy and Daddy are no longer legally obliged to clean up your spilt milk. Screw up the job- delay your career or ruin it, screw up your finances- be broke, set back and unhappy, screw up your relationship- oh good grief!


Advice I've gotten so far that makes sense :
Save save save!
Dont use these years to spend like there's no tomorrow. Starting your 30's broke can delay your dreams for another decade. Try and save all you can now and try to clear up any debt.

Do everything you can while you live at home
Enjoy the cushy time spent living with your parents. Once you are out in the world you are responsible for yourself or others 24/7. At home with the 'rents you may still be able to get a few cooked meals a week.

As I continue jogging on the track outta 20's ville .... yes Mr Race Official I heard the lap bell- I cringe at thinking of how I really gotta get my self together for the next decade!

Heaven help the confused

I often find the comments under articles and other types of posts quite amusing. Do you know that people even have heated debates under gospel videos and other religiously based material? Think of how the internet age has allowed anyone to anonymously air their views on any topic. I say all this to get to today's topic. Unless you have been living under a rock you would have heard that Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together after being estranged for about 4 years. You know this post isnt about celebrity gossip so dont stop reading. I have observed the commentary under articles relating to the pair and alot of the thoughts expressed scare me. A few brave honest souls expressed their concern/distaste for the renewed relationship only to be met by the wrath of who I would assume to be fans. The fans say 'leave her alone!', 'at least she's happy', 'mind your business', 'they were meant to be'. This wasnt just the sentiment expressed under one photo or article but many.

The comments scared me because it seems like her broad smile meant more to them that her apparent danger. Now don't tell me that things are different now and I have no right to judge their relationship. Chris Brown got into a fight the other day over a parking space! And a couple of weeks after that he appeared in court over an altercation in a club. Does this sound like a changed man to you? Did you forget the day he flung a chair out of the Good Morning America dressing room wrecking their glass window? Let me guess he still has a temper but doesnt hit women anymore.

Are we willing to ignore what goes on behind closed doors because someone looks or says they are happy? I do not hold Rihanna responsible for being a mentor to other abused women because she is human. And I honestly see a girl who was unable to process the loss of her first love. A girl who thinks that she deserves what he has to offer. I am more concerned that the people defending her would lend this same advice to a friend. 'Girl if he says he's sorry and wont do it again, go back if you love him. You deserve to be happy.And yall are so cute together.'

How many people reading these articles use this as validation to stay in the mess that they are in. Why isnt it ok to say I dont care how much I love her music, I dont care how much she says she loves him, she deserves better! We stare at this good looking couple who has everything in the world and think oh it will be ok for them, he loves her more this time, he left that other chick for her. This is the case in the life of many everyday people. We know what happens we hear it and see it. But there is this notion that they look good together so it will be ok. Or maybe he will stop someday. I really feel for the confused persons who are following her actions, reading the positive comments and thinking maybe it's ok to go back. It's ok cuz it happens to Rihanna and she's ok.
I think Whitney Houston's character in the movie Sparkle sums it all up perfectly. 'Wasnt my life enough of a cautionary tale?'

The Next Big Thing

Tag I'm it!  So I've been tagged by author Joanne Hillhouse to participate in a blog relay called 'The Next Big Thing'. You can check out her post on her blog here. You can also check out another author/ blogger, Tameka- Jarvis George that I religiously follow on her blog. Basically Im going to answer some questions based on my last book as seen below available on Amazon, Kindle and Best of Books Antigua. *shameless plug over and out* See interview below

If all men are dogs, does that make all women bitches?

I just got in a little debate with someone and felt inspired to write a post. And can you imagine that this isn't the post I began writing for this week. Im doing well. I'm proud....ok back to the topic at hand. A friend of mine expressed her dislike at a paragraph of advice given by a popular life coach on how to treat your male partner/spouse. She thought that there was an unfair balance of advice dissemination and that men were the ones who needed the advice. She thought that women were the ones holding their relationship together and making the sacrifices.
While I do agree that there is an unbalance, I mean just pick up any women's magazine! You are guaranteed to find at least one article explaining how to please your man. Pick up any men's magazine and find it a rare treat to see something about making your woman happy.

As a young girl growing up all you heard was 'all men are dogs.' After going through years of observation I have come to the conclusion that there is no unbalance when it comes to relationships. All women are not angels and all men are not dogs. In fact sometimes we give men a bad rap. How is a young man supposed to grow up decent if he is burdened with a label he hasn't earned?
*disclaimer this post is purely relationship based and doesnt cover gender based issues such as domestic abuse and rape*

•  For every man that cheats there's a woman who is willingly cheated with him knowing of his relationship status. 

• For every dead beat dad, there's a no good mother who would neglect her kids for a new hair style and some manicured nails. 

• For every man that said 'you know I'm not ready to settle down.' There's a woman that said 'I dont care, I just want to be with you.'

• For every man that cheats on his good woman. There's a woman that cheats on her 'too nice' man. *PS I never understand when women say this. Oh he was just too nice....and being nice is bad why? Then she finds a 'bad boy' who treats her horribly then all of a sudden you hear how wretched the gender is.....women make no sense sometimes I admit!* 

• For every man that has outside children there's a woman who knows her kid aint his! (ok this one might be unbalanced but you get the point, it happens.) 

I am not advocating for the ill treatment of nice people. I am just saying that people are just people,  black, white, indian, chinese, we all have different characters, convictions and tragic flaws. Hence maybe one can say 'people are horrible!'

Let's remember this especially when we are talking around children they deserve a fair chance to grow up without labels.

Straight Talk, no chasers

Quite often I come to a point during my quiet moments that makes me very angry and disappointed with myself, so with straight talk and no chasers imma just tell you what I think about myself sometimes.
To best illustrate my point without telling my life story I will draw reference to a couple I saw on tv. I watched about 2 episodes so forgive if my back story isnt 100% accurate, my reference comes from brief observation. So yeah I was watching Chrissy and Mr. Jones. I dont know much about them other than the fact that he's a rapper and she seems like his nice other half who sticks by him come what may. From what I saw he was lazy, not interested in fully committing to the relationship and just a plain out jerk. I dont know their history but I am sure that as a rapper we can also question his fidelity...cmon he's a rapper! But through it all Chrissy just seems to put up with it.

It disappoints me that I used to be a Chrissy. The woman that refuses to deal with all the red flags that are beating her over the head. She just makes it work. It upsets me that I had grown into this person. I admire the people who have always had their isssh together. They take shit from no one and they keep it moving. I cant make excuses for myself, I was a Chrissy and I hate-  it is a strong word but I'm serious - myself for it. It makes me wanna reverse the hands of time and shake my old self! Shake her until she has no choice but to walk away. I would probably scream 'Save yourself girl! You are drowning, save yourself!'

I cant blame age because Chrissy is a grown ass woman, young and foolish can not always be my cop out. Some women are just Chrissys, can we help it? I hope so, cuz I cant ever be a Chrissy again. I just refuse to be. Against all that I find safe and cozy I wont be her again.  I cant be the person who just refuses to hop off the train bound for destruction. I have to want better for myself.

Maybe it's a strong delusional belief. A belief that consumes you until you only believe that.  Maybe it was the thought that by giving an overwhelming amount of love a person will one day have an epiphany and change their ways. But instead it is the Chrissy who needs an epiphany. A Chrisette Michelle Epiphany 'Im leaving, no more wondering, what you've been doing. Where you been sleeping. It's over. I'm leaving.'

You get past the point of listening to hints and reasoning. You get to a point where your tunnel vision takes over and you find an excuse for Mr. Jones. You are convinced that with a little more time with another step you can reform Mr. Jones.  With every small victory or sweet word you get a little more convinced that Mr. Jones is making slight progress.

Truth is he never is or was. Well maybe that small 2% of Mr. Jones's are. But waiting to find out if Mr. Jones will change is a dangerous game.  Mr. Jones just gets more comfortable and better at what he does. He perfects the lies, he knows that for every apology he can make a thousand more. It makes you look back and wanna kick yourself really hard because you accepted the love you thought you deserved and for some sad reason you either didnt think that you deserved alot or you didnt think that you could find better.
So what to do? I think Alicia Keys sang it best in the the song Lesson Learned

It's called the past 'cause I’m getting pastAnd I ain’t nothing like I was beforeYou oughta see me nowYes, I was burned but I called it a lesson learnedMistake overturned so I called it a lesson learnedMy soul has returned so I call it a lesson learnedAnother lesson learned
To all the Chrissys out there, I know the fear of the unknown and the shame of failure keeps you glued to your post. But take it from me there are greener pastures over the mountain you just gotta climb and be free.

This has been some straight talk from the Moondancer! 

Excuse me you jumped the line

Hello there *waves and smiles* This is my first attempt of many to become a frequent poster. Be proud of me lol. Ok so here's a bit of insight into the clockwork of my mind. You can say Amen if you feel me or shake your head in disgust. But I speak from an honest place. Aight enough preamble, let me introduce myself; I am the 4th child for my father, his baby girl and the first of two children for my mother. Spoiler alert I consider myself a princess! Take your judgements and side eyes elsewhere please I am getting to the point. Being on the junior side of one set of siblings and being on the elder side of the other, I have come to learn my place in the order of life. Everyone takes their turn in the order they were born. I am currently blabbering to my few followers because someone has stepped outta line and caused havoc. Kind of like that person on the assembly line that adds their sprocket before their predecessor adds their bolt. *stop the presses*

The following things go out of sync when a younger sibling gets married first: 

1) You cant elope if they did!

 You be dam sure that all the pressure will be on you to ensure that your mother gets to wear her champagne pink mother of the bride dress. Now you might be like but it's your wedding blah blah blah, the person that does something first is the guinea pig and allowed to test the waters. The one after usually gets stopped dead in their tracks.... My mother flat out told me one day that the child's wedding is the parent's wedding. If she doesnt get it the first time, the second time ahhhh ....prepare for future fight *check*

2) People start treating you like you are emotionally fragile

All of a sudden everyone, especially those old aunties, begin inquiring about your love life with extra concern. "How's your friend?"they ask and hold their breath hoping I say he's fine and not, 'oh we dont talk anymore'. Why is this old lady rubbing my back when she asks me about my life, as though I'm depressed?

 Im living rent free with momma, those ppl at the altar gotta go find some rent money every month, I'm cool chica, go join oldpeoplemeet.com or something.

3) The people who were overlooked on the first wedding's guest list will surely be snuck onto yours...

4) Any deviant behaviour is measured against their success.

If one kids pulls all A's and the others dont, they hear about it. If everyone is pulling C's it doesnt look so bad. First borns set the trend and are not measured. We just aren't!



5) It's not new aka not a big deal.
Dammit all first children understand how special it is to be first! Everything is new with you. Us first children have obscene amounts of baby pictures because everything we do is novel and cute. The other kids....meh...first time eating with a spoon is sooo over-rated the 2nd and 3rd time. First big graduation, everybody is invited to celebrate that a child has passed the point of being a juvenile deliquent. The next child, ok well it's great that you made it, here's some cake. Please stop reading this if you are not a first child. You just wont get it lol.

This is in no way a post out of jealousy, if that's what you are thinking, you 2nd and 3rders are so clueless. I am content with my current lot in life. It's a simple existence that makes me smile daily. I'm still in my prime and not ready to leave the nest. *That's what I tell myself to sleep at night, rocks back n forth in corner* ... I'm just messing with you. But seriously  I wish all my siblings the best in everything they do and total success in every step they take. But I'm just saying, we have rules and order for a reason.... *thinks of ways to grab attention in the meanwhile....enrolls in NASA Space Program.*

Happy New Year

Happy New Year! Thanks to everyone who reads often and to those who encourage me by gently reminding me that I have been absent from the blogsphere for too long. I really appreciate the encouragement that keeps me going when I feel like no one is reading :) I wont make another resolution to post more, I will however promise to try. In terms of the blog I will be perfecting my blogging voice so get ready for a bit of a change. It's a good change I promise! I already have 3 posts lined up for this month... yay me!

So I stopped making resolutions a while ago. For a change I made an inspiration board. This doesnt outline my goals but gives me general reminders of the things I want to get done. It was a really great experience. It focuses your mind on the year to come, I will definitely be making this an annual activity.

This year I am planning to focus more on myself. You must be thinking that I've decided to be selfish, but I promise you that I'm far from that. My theme for the year is Dancing on the Moon (surprisingly this has never been my theme for a year). My theme encourages me to have no fears and no worries. I wasted alot of time last year consumed in my thoughts and worries. I am working on my adult, independent self, hence learning to be my own person without apologies.

I heard a great, budding motivational speaker give a graduation speech last year and he charged the grads to always try harder and do better. This is what I plan to do this year as well and I encourage all of you my lovely readers to take this advice to heart and of course just enjoy the life you are given with gratitude

As customary here are my quotations for the year: one spiritual and one inspirational
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you are not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?' Matt 26-27

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt