Random rambles

Im not sure how to begin this posting, cuz im not really sure what im saying. Sometime this year I think (its been a weird year i cant remember anything anymore) I for some reason thought i was selfish and of course that's not a very nice trait to have. Then it was pointed out to me through a series of decisions i had made that I often, no most times, think of others first. I was asked when i was gonna think of me an do what i want and not worry about the reactions of others. As momma Sade says 'im crying everyone's tears'. I wonder who cries for me?
I've always walked on the side of caution. I guess I felt safe, it was always the best place to be. Guess sometimes i wasnt living just doing what is safe, following the rules, staying out of trouble. Maybe for awhile i will try to put me first.. ok so i currently dont know what im rambling about. I think for once its a lack of control, not knowing what im doing where's its going, how it ends or where to begin. I dont do complication well nor do i do unplanned stuff..... but eh lets see what the wild side is like... what else is there to do stare at the walls! *sigh* life can be soo complicated