The natural vs relaxer thing....

First a little disclaimer: this blog is in no way a 'hater' post.
Aint it a shame that one has to add disclaimers because people get too sensitive sometimes?

 Anyways to the business at hand. I was enjoying my daily black women's lifestyle/entertainment reading when I came across an article about dispelling the myths of relaxers. So I read it and basically it spoke about how relaxers aren't as bad as they are made out to be, you just have to take care of it etc. I happened to scroll down to the comments. *side note anywhere 2 or 3 are gathered on the internet expect cussing.*
So this one lady says that she is glad for the article because she has had a relaxer for a long time and going back natural isnt something she can handle because of the thickness of her hair. In comes trouble, a natural nazi as one person called her proceeded to curse at the first commenter for not embracing her 'real' self. This is not the first time I have heard this argument. Now currently trending is being a naturalista just like a few years ago when everyone wanted to be a sistren by growing some locks. As with the locks phase, time will tell who the real naturalistas are. And of course the media and hair industry has picked up on this trend and is charged and ready to peddle as many products and services as possible. What you didn't notice?

I took offense to miss lady's comment. Why do I not love myself because of the way I keep my hair? When India Arie sang 'I am not my hair' she wasnt just talking to the 'sistas'. In essence, she was saying  dont make your judgements based on appearance. Now unless you are a natural haired empress in a nudist colony my dear lady you are also probably committing some offense. Hair is only a drop in the bucket. For me I love to see my friends with their cool natural styles and what's not. But I also hear them talk about their regiments and this chick right here cant plait and has unruly hair that doesnt even yield to my command when under the influence of some chemicals! So I choose the easier option for me. Don't scoff and tell me to learn to handle my hair. When a Caucasian woman straightens out her thick curly sue tresses it's not an issue. Now note well that I completely understand the socio-cultural issues that exist in regards to natural hair, this isnt about that. *Read the last statement again before you say but...*
This is about not finding one more thing to divide and alienate women from each other. All of a sudden I'm seeing relaxer vs natural articles that people wage World War 3 about. Why cant we accept that everyone has a right to do what they want with their hair? Nobody embraces their natural, plain selves. Don't raise your hand and say no no but I do.

If you wear make up hiding your natural face, put down your hand. If you give a bra company extra money for  pushup, padding, make my breast sexier bras put down your hand. If you use accessories or other addies like nails or polish to enhance your appearance and cant be without them put your hand down. If you bleach, dye or iron your hair, please sit. If you wax, pluck or thread your brows please go to the back of the class. You see where I'm going right? We all do things to ourselves that deviate from our 'natural' selves from makeup to hair. So if women wanna straighten, lengthen, shave, color or whatever it's ok because we all do it in different ways. And none of these things are permanent so what's all the fuss about? That's just my thought :) *had to vent here, I dont do the internet arguments!*

Boxed in

I'm claustrophobic, not horribly but I am aware of confined spaces more than the regular person.  A funny thing happened on the way to starting this post... I was trying to figure out a way of saying what I wanted to talk about, then it dawned on me that my claustrophobia wasnt just physical. I remember the months leading up to my graduation from university. I started to feel suffocated at the thought of having to work day in and day out. Getting up at a certain time to be at work at a certain time, taking a break for as long as they prescribe, having a vacation as long as granted. If you dont feel like working that day, tough luck you gotta go anyway. I felt like the rat race was an on ramp with no exit. * I still feel this way and wanna be a rich bum*

Ok so back to this original post ....... I kinda feel the same way about weight and eating. I can vividly remember the summer I fluctuated between 99 and 100 lbs. I thought 100 was this magic number that graduated you into some new body category.......55 lbs later I thought OMG I'm fat! Minus 10 lbs after I thought ok this size aint bad, I can work my way down a bit more slowly. Unexpected life change and 10 lbs after that I looked around and thought 'hey not bad imma stick around here.' Then it dawned on me, am I really going to have to be conscious of what I eat for the rest of my life? I hate checking out the fat content of every package! Or thinking 'oh geez imma have to work this off so I can stay in this range.' It's even harder living in the Caribbean, does anyone know how many calories there are in a cup of goat water?
 I remember watching an Oprah episode where she interviewed some ladies who looked good for their age. One of them said her secret was that she stopped worrying about her size. She said she had an epiphany one day, what if she had gotten hit by a bus, did she really want the last thing she thought about to be I shouldnt have eaten that donut!

I dont know when I will become like this lady, but I wanna do it and just have one less thing to be bothered with!
There are already too many things to be consumed with.....ya I know I live in my head alot :)

Acceptance

Ok I need to start blogging more like seriously what's the point of having one right? But I've been busy really I have I'm trying get some other writing 'projects' done. I started out hot and started to fizzle, but I'm the little engine that can so imma get it done.
Other than that I've been on some weird emotional roller coaster with a lot of weird unexplainable feelings. I have been having a really hard time figuring out what's wrong when everything in my life is pretty right. It was really rainy and grey today and I guess there's something somber about listening to raindrops fall on leaves. That quiet plip plopping allowed me to think about stuff. Two weeks ago I wrote a poem called Acceptance (I deleted it but a saving soul recorded it when I performed it and Ive been to lazy to transcribe it so see the video below)

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Basically it's about coming to a point where you accept that past for what it is and what it gave you. This includes accepting how your own choices impacted your destruction. That is no an easy point to come to. But most importantly outside of accepting the past for what it is you must accept that the present is not the past. I think of it as using a courier company to get your packages. But this company is a bit careless and the contents of your package always arrive broken. You now expect for them to deliver damage goods. You stock up on crazy glue and accept it as life until you have had enough and get rid of that company. When you find a new suitable company something in you always tenses as you open your package expecting to see bits and pieces of your precious cargo. But  everything is in tact because this company promises to deliver, and that's great, but you still expect -with crazy glue in hand- that things will be broken. At some point you must accept that this company indeed delivers on its promises and you can relax. So my lesson learnt over the past few months is Acceptance the final stage of letting go and feeling the wind beneath your wings.

Wanderlust

Wanderlust: A very strong or irresistible impulse to travel.


I am a broke pocket wanderluster (is this a word?) ....
Anyways here are the places on my lust list. Free tickets are always accepted :D

From since i can remember Venice has been on my lust list. 
There's just something really cool about a city of water. 

I feel in lust with the Greek Isles after watching The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2. 
These islands are just gorgeous, love the architecture, the culture, food and the vistas!

I'm an island girl so you must be asking why i wanna visit another island. 
A friend of mine went to Zanzibar and I wanted to immediately buy a ticket and see if for myself. 

Just the name alone sounds exotic....Morocco! I really like the Africa meets the Middle East vibe of this place... I wanna see it!
I wanna go to the French countryside to relax. I don't have a specific place I just want it to look like this! 

The worst kind of lust is touching somewhere once for a short time which leaves you longing for more. I went to Dominica for a day and became absolutely enchanted. I wanna go back and see more A stat!

This place just seems to have a bit of everything; beauty, culture, city life and history. South Africa maybe I will see you one day! 


In the meantime I am declaring that imma get to all my lusts in my lifetime *please God* :D 

Five Random Rambles

If you are like me nothing brings you more joy than to just watch and listen to people. People that are in no way aware of your attentiveness. Now that you know what I like doing may I share some things that I've heard or saw that either annoy me or make me scratch my head? Yes? Of course you're either gonna continue reading or close the page :)

1) Why do people have to shorten words. Have we become to lazy to talk and use full words? For some reason words like cuzzo and hubby annoy me. Weird I know but I just can't stand those words for some odd reason. Its bad enough that we keep shortening typed words, for goodness sakes let's keep words long and pointed. *ps I don't like the word kudos either, I know it isn't short for anything but I hate that I hate the word and have to use it sometimes, grr*

2) People that talk about getting their summer bodies. I suppose if you live in a temperate climate you store your fat during the winter season and shed it during the summer like bears? I will kinda let y'all slip by. I just wanna know why my Caribbean brothers and sisters talk about their summer body when the place is always hot? Can't I host a beach party in the middle of November? Does this mean everyone covers up cuz they don't have a summer body yet? My peoples its always hot here. You either keeping in shape or not!

3) This natural hair thing....now i really don't care what you do with your hair *except cheap lace fronts there is no tolerance for the bonfire material women put on their heads* ..... where was i? ...oh yes, I really don't care what you do. My issue is that all of a sudden a ton of women jump on the natural hair train fad and turn into evangelical natural hairalistas *yes i made up a term*.... excuse me miss wasn't your hair permed like 3 months ago?? Who died and made you the queen empress of naps? Why are you now telling me that I'm not proud of what I was born with? Umm don't you wear makeup? What's wrong with the face you were given? Don't you have barely there eyebrows so you can pencil them in? Why don't you let them grow bushy as God intended? I am not ashamed of my hair I do what works for me. Don't quote India Arie to me cuz if we are not our hair then it don't matter what we do with it? Am I wrong? Fried, died, straight, curly, kinky, wavy who cares do ya thing....heck go bald if it suits you. Oh yes I said fad, like fashion dreads some people will leap on the train and then fall off in a few years......we see you!!

4) Self Portraits in the bathroom....... I understand that you would like a whole shot of your outfit but ummm with 7 billion people in the world you can't find one person to take a picture of you, with a background that doesn't include the place where people squat to poop? And umm why you take a picture where the flash bounces off the mirror and blots out half your face? Back in the days of film we would say 'the picture spoil!'

5) So I joined the matrix and got BB.......crappy phones btw the only use is the bbm................I must commend RIM they single handedly changed real life, real time interactions in the 21st century. If your friend doesn't come to the movies you can just sit in the movies and update them about how good it is. Oops you missed a really funny moment while you were looking for the laughing emoticon. Your boyfriend didn't come clubbing that's ok, you can stand in the corner bbming him all night. Don't mind us physical people right next to you in the moment, like right now. If this person you are contacting is so important why didn't you stay home with them??

5 random rambles of things that annoy me...that's enough for today ....... at least I made ya smile didn't I :)

Team Madea and a Celeb's crotch

So its black history month....can I first say that I like the man who had the idea for the month thinks that it sucks that people are willing to stick to this one month. He always intended for it to start as a month and branch out...but we black people have helped to contain our history into one month, the shortest month of the year mind you!
Anyways seeing that we are in the month of black then I would like to address two black topics:

1) Tyler Perry
I don't know why so many hate on this man plying his trade. Im personally a fan I LOVE his plays they are funnier than the movies and yes my friends Madea is even more over the top, but I love em. I don't really get why people hate on him and his empire. I've heard that he makes black people look bad because of his buffoonery but I really don't see the difference between him and a Eddie Murphy movie. To appreciate Tyler Perry you gotta look at his work critically. The movies cover a lot of heavy topics. If you took out the comedy and over the top characters you would have a man that makes really deep movies. And while there is nothing wrong with deep movies nobody wants to watch a succession of depressing movies, remember this is about entertaining. With that being said the best way to attract people to a movie that teaches a lesson is to cover it with a layer of side splitting jokes. If you say he always goes over the same topics abuse, drug use and cheating and he doesn't represent black people, i would like to suggest  that he isn't talking to you. Lets stop trying to paint a rosy picture to other races.

There are lots of people being abused, addicted to drugs and involved in other types of scandal. And you know how he reaches these people? He puts in a silly character that keeps them coming back and then he gently inserts a message of hope, redemption and faith. If you can't relate count yourself fortunate. Just give the man a break he isn't making movies about gangsters shooting up the hood or men on a sexual quests. So why not lighten up?!

2) Role models
Rihanna has been coming under a lot of criticism lately because of some of her choices. She and any other celebrity that messes up is judged harshly because they are role models and need to set better examples. Stop the presses.....did they sign a role model application form? First of all as a parent why de ass is your kid listening to Rihanna? Does she sing children's tunes? Why are little girls emulating Nicki Minaj? Wearing pink and calling herself a barbie don't make her kid friendly. I still laugh when i think of the news story about the Parents Council for TV something or the other kicking up a storm about Rihanna's man down video. Apparently it sends the wrong message.....why are kids watching this again???

Parents are what's wrong with the world today not the youth. Why? cuz they are letting the media raise their kids. The media and entertainers have no obligation other than to make $$ to feed themselves. Get a clue parents and show your kids real role models. Tell them about the first black female astronaut so that they can dream big. Tell them about the civil rights women leaders who refused to be treated like animals so that they can raise the standard for themselves. Tell them about the women presidents and nobel peace prize winners so that they can know anything is possible with determination. Don't call up the media when some 21 year old flashes her crotch on a music video, she aint your kid to raise. Children with a strong foundation and sense of self won't be swayed when their fav entertainer goes on a crack binge....


That was my rant for the week......ah i feel sooo much better :)

To Miss Whitney

"When you love someone who suffers from the disease of addiction you await the phone call. There will be a phone call. The sincere hope is that the call will be from the addict themselves, telling you they've had enough, that they're ready to stop, ready to try something new. Of course though, you fear the other call, the sad nocturnal chime from a friend or relative telling you it's too late, she's gone." Russell Brand 

This one hit me so hard that I refused to believe it.  I just can't come to terms with the fact that the woman with the golden voice is gone. Thinking back on my earliest memories of music I can faintly remember my parents having a stereo in the front hallway and my earliest and only memory with this stereo was me and a Whitney Houston song. Every girl I knew who grew up in the 80's and 90's wanted to sing like Whitney. She was undeniably one of the greatest voices of that era. You remember that whole who's better Whitney, Mariah or Celine argument? Whitney always won for me hands down. I mean c'mon this woman remade a song that not only catapulted her into history, but made the original look bad. Find me a girl that has not stood with a fake mic in her hands singing I Will Always Love You, complete with the signature Whitney hand raise and fall at the end of the song.

We all thought that this time she had fought her demons, that this time she was gonna be ok. So I did not expect this call or text or breaking news item. I had refused to believe the tabloids who insinuated that she had slipped back off track. I dismissed them as news vultures who would make the woman's sweaty day into a crack binge side effect.

That voice will forever haunt the airwaves, it had a pureness, a sincereness that made you sing along and have a Whitney day on Youtube. There was a Whitney song for everything, being hopelessly in love, loving your friends, a little strength from God, just a feel good day. I mean who has not turned on 'Where do broken hearts go' and bawled their eyes out? Who has not danced around the room singing 'I wanna dance with somebody'. Who has not taken up a photo of the love of their life and sang 'He's all the man that I need'. The list goes on, my favorite Whitney song goes with my mood, I can't choose.

Under any and everyone of Whitney's songs online amongst the comments of 'I love this song', 'this is my fav jam' and ' i grew up on this' were quite a few 'Please get come back to us Miss Whitney'. We all wanted her back, her family tirelessly fought and did everything under the sun to get her back. But for some reason she did not want this for herself. She could not fight the demons that summoned her back down the path of destruction.

Miss Whitney I will always remember what you said on your last Oprah interview. A life lesson that you left with me, in fact i loved it so much that i wrote it down in the back of my bible. 'I knew God was there. I knew the light was there and I was just trying to get back to it. '
To me it meant that in your darkest of times, no matter how far off the path you have fallen He is always there watching over you, sending a small glimmer of light to help you back.


While I am only speculating on the cause of her death, i have a sad feeling that it corresponds directly with or is a product of her destructive lifestyle.


Whatever it is the world will miss you Miss Whitney, you were one we all prayed for. Not necessarily to sing again or make another hit record but just to be ok, so that you could be that sassy senior citizen belting out notes to make the young ones quiver. 


There is no good in this goodbye, just sad faces and songs on replay .......


RIP always to the woman that made me fall in love with music