All Hail Lupita!

I've had blogger's block since my last post coupled with the fact that my energies are placed elsewhere temporarily. I crave your patience this year I have a lot of my plate!
Aight post time…so I saw a conversation today which sparked my inkling to write. Have you heard about Lupita? You must have, Lupita is Hollywood's current It Girl.

Some say that they don't get the big deal because Lupita isn't the only good dark skinned actress making waves in Hollywood. This is very true there are some really talented ladies who are grossly underrated, underpaid and under employed! But let me just say I don't care if the hype about Lupita dies tomorrow!  I welcome the media attention, photos, the interviews and the articles. Why? Well this bleaching epidemic is getting out of hand. Have you seen this Nigerian model?

She is promoting a whitening product which sold out immediately apparently. I see women with my own eyes and that make me double take more than I would upon seeing a 6 foot 5" cross dressing man in a Bodycon dress and heels. Why do women want to go from dark chocolate, carmel, coco to some strange shade of ermmmm...what color is that? Why didn't they think that their black was beautiful? Some may say that they were teased about their color, some claim that it is a passed on mentality that 'white' is better, others say that it is a beauty trend and they can do what they want. I can understand that there are persons with genuine mental struggles. But I gotta ask, does Miss Whitencious pictured above expect to book more jobs in the shade of cream-off white-mother of pearl? It's a weird shade of not dark and not white. You can't tell me that she is getting more compliments now than before. For someone to want to erase all their black is scary. This isn't just about the social aspect, physically what will be the repercussions?

So bring on the media attention for Lupita! Let's bow at her feet, get her on every major magazine cover and swoon audibly about her gorgeous skin and complexion! Let those who go to buy their weekly supply of 'rub' see her on the magazine stands next to the cashier and put back their lightening cream. Let those little girls who are undecided about what is beautiful, cut Lupita out and put her pics on their bedroom walls. Every time Lupita graces the tv screen and the reporters gush about her, there is one young actress, one young black girl who feels a little more secure about herself. All hail Lupita and all the other black famous chicks who are rocking the stage and screen!

365 days later...

I am finally ready to write my end of year post. I think I kinda missed blogging in the month of November…..I'm sorry followers I have good reasons. I am opening and closing doors and life chapters and to be truthful it is has been very overwhelming at times. But that's a good thing and I'm happy. This has been a good year, I dare not complain for a thing. I have gotten to tick many places off my travel list. I got to catch up with some friends I haven't seen in years and I've made some new friends. I even took an ecourse for 6 weeks. I've done some strange things …stepped out my square box and defied definition! I definitely took 2013 by the lapels and said giddy up!

I sat compiling all the little notes of things I learned this year and realised that it would make quite a lengthy post! It's holiday season and nobody's got time for that! So here are the 2 things that stood out most to me.

This concept has popped up so many times .... ok universe I got your point. I first came across it reading an article in an inflight magazine about mediating to focus on the moment when you are overwhelmed. It was about breathing and becoming conscious of the moment. I have learned to shut the door on the past and not look back, but geez it is  hard not to run infront of myself...and worry...then get anxious...then worry some more. This isnt a fun way to function.One of my fav songs for 2013, Wake Me Up by Avcii, pretty much sums me up 'I tried carrying the weight of the world.But I only have two hands.' So I'm learning to live today and love today. This moment, this second, this breath,  and as the Bible says let tomorrow worry about itself.

This year I discovered Brene Brown, a shame and vunerability researcher. I took her ecourse and read 2 of her books! Now I am not a self help reader so I enjoyed Brene's scientific approach to these emotions. Until I heard her talk about this I thought I was alone with my feelings. Does something good ever happen to you and amidst your happiness does the terror of what bad can happen begin to invade your mind? Yeah that was me and I thought I was just being me until I heard her talk about the commonality of foreboding joy. Joy apparently is the hardest emotion to fully embrace because it's scary. From her findings, the happiest people who embraced joy the most were those who practiced gratitude. So instead of fearing terror and destruction in the midst of happiness I will remember to give thanks for that moment....and this rounds back to living in the moment! Guess I know what my 2014 theme will be!

I don't know what tomorrow will bring and I have quite a few big plans for 2014…but I can only live in today, appreciate today, this moment…the now.
So in 2014 remember

and

Can you imagine how much more Cinderella would have enjoyed the ball if she had stopped watching the time!

Happy 2014 to everyone. I pray for your enlightenment, love, protection and health! 

I'd Rather Be Alone

*This post was written from a burst of unexpected inspiration during a day of listening to random songs on Youtube.*

I've heard this song so many times. The vibe gives me such bliss simply because it's from the era of some expectionally great music.



I listen to music while working, writing, in the car....well if I'm not watching TV I'm listening to music. It's entwined in my life. Since it is always on I dont neccesarily always listen to the lyrics depending on my activity. Today I stopped for a second and listened. Then I thought Hell Yes! This is what I am saying! I decided to say a silent pledge to myself as Karyn White sang. Please hit play and say it with me if you feel it!

I would rather be alone than unhappy in love

I will not be an option to love 

I will not fight alone for love

I will be selfish when it comes to being happy 

I will not be lonely in love  

Sometimes you just have to remind yourself that you are priceless!

Picture Memories

I have been reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown which is absolutely phenomenal! I cant even begin to start listing all my ah ha moments. Needless to say I'm putting alot of things into practice. The other day made me realise that I really am learning new stuff, like making picture memories. Brene spoke about a day with her 6 year old daughter, paddle boating out on a lake. She said her daughter went quiet and when she looked back her little one had her face turned sunwards with her eyes closed. After a few moments she asked her daughter if she was ok. The little one replied "I am making a picture memory, so when I am sad I can remember this moment and be happy."

Yep a 6 year old said this! A 6 year old understands the importance of tranquil happy moments. A child who hasn't learned long division yet, knows how to build an army against unhappiness. Two days ago I was a little upset and I conjured up a picture memory, without realising what I was doing. It was the  memory of being on a cruise and hearing 'Hey, come look, dolphins!" And there right outside my cabin window was a pod of dolphins happily romping in the surf, by the way dolphins are my all time favourite animals! I was on cloud 12!  For the next 3 minutes I watched them with a permanent smile on my face until the ship out ran them. Dolphins playing in the waves, framed by the setting sun, free and content, just wow! I couldnt risk missing a moment by reaching for my camera, so it's all in my head and it's one of the those things I refuse to forget.


Think of your favourite picture memories and hold onto it. In this crazy world we live in you need everyone you can get. From laughing until tears roll out to holding a cuddly baby, take a mental picture and store it for that time when you need a little pick me up! Being in a bad mood is so over rated!

The marriage thing....

I consider myself an average female when it comes to thoughts on love and marriage. Many have called me a romantic, miss fairytale, Disney princess(wait nobody calls me that) lol...I was probably the guillable young girl that swooned as Sleeping Beauty danced around the forest singing 'One Day my Prince Will Come'. At some point of my life I was completed sold on the magical marriage part of  life...aka the fairytale wedding and the words 'happily ever after' as end credits. The dress, the bridesmaids, flowers, cake, smiles and planning. Time and maturity quickly gave me a swift kick in the face and opened my eyes to the reality that marriage is a life commitment and not just a fun day with friends and family. Unfortunately there are some women who cant get passed the idea of having a wedding and a ring. Once they get that day and that bling they turn on auto pilot and cruise through life.

After this eye opening kick I began to slowly become slightly terrified of getting married. It's a big deal! It's more than living with a man, doing household chores and raising kids. It's an active commitment to making it work, to deal with the attitude, with the differences, with the times you want the person out your space. What scares me more is what I see when I look around. I am beginning to see the 50% divorce rate play out in my newsfeed. It freaks me out to see the wedding photos of couples crying on the alter and then 2 years later notice strange statuses, absent wedding bands and removal of recently acquired last names. I'm not watching the older people married for 40 years, I'm looking at my peers, I am hoping that they can show me the good example. The example that puts your mind at ease, that although hard it can be done.
It gives me mini anxiety attacks, because I often wonder if these people had started off on a known crash course. You know the ones that people whisper about...'why are they getting married?' Or are they the earnest notion of love, seemingly happy, in love and committed. What goes wrong in 1-5 years? Didn't they like anyone else start out with the will to make it work? I guess pictures dont really tell a thousand words, because in pictures everyone looks perfect. There are young people that I know and see that give me that hope and knowledge that it indeed can be done and through the challenges it can be worth it. *Thank God for good examples*

There's a couple I see every so often when I walk to my car in the afternoon. The husband is usually sitting on the steps of a building waiting on his wife to come down the road. Once she get to him they smile and share a kiss and begin walking down the road, engrossed in conversation. That isnt a show (they dont know I'm watching), that isnt a picture in an album on a day you are supposed to smile alot. It is just two people glad to be spending thier lives together. They make me smile every time, my little reminder that love is all around if you just look. And that the scary marriage statistics, just mean that you have to work even harder than you originally thought.
To my married friends fight in the trenches, get mud in your hair if you must just please hold it together.

As for me and my anxiety, I will repeat the words of my adopted grandmother -she doesn't know this yet.
 'Trust in love one more time and always one more time.' ~Maya Angelou~

Live your life like your playing mas!

Carnival is over ... back to regularly scheduled programming *insert pouty face* All the fetes, limes and sessions are over *insert sigh* And of course my favourite part, mas, is non existent for another 360 something days. Mas gets alot of side eyes nowadays and I just wanna say something about it. I love it! I love the fact that I can dress up in something different, it's kinda of like the feeling some people have when getting to dress up for halloween. I love my feathers and beads and stockings. I love jumping and jamming until evening. I love being surrounded by my friends. Some say it has nothing to do with emancipation. I disagree in a way. Although history states that there was no epic street party after the emancipation declaration, the point is we have the freedom now to do so. There are lots of persons who overdo, who have lost their self respect and who have not made the parade very family friendly. I too roll my eyes with disgust at some of these persons. But I refuse to let the bad eggs spoil this time of year for me. If I did, then they, and their behaviour would win and how cool is that?
So if you want to know why I have found myself in costume for 12 years in a row every August that is my answer. I just love it and know who I am, why I am doing it and how I want to be seen. Cheers to my mas lovers, to those who love to chip down the road and forget their worries for a few hours for two days. The world is depressing enough sometimes why not have a little fun until the music truck locks off and tells you to go home! Ahh boy back to life ....

1/2 year update

I'm stuck! All my writing projects on dangling in a hinterland of black space. Nobody is talking loud enough to me right now to warrant me listening and writing. I must admit that the pressure to produce is absolutely overwhelming! The constant, reoccurring question from family, friends and strangers is always 'When is your next book?' or 'What are you working on now?' I usually have a politically correct answer like 'there is also something on the burner' or 'I'm working on a few things.' I learnt at a workshop years ago to never tell people what you are working on. Truth is there is nothing eminent, nothing close to completion and I have no deadline or goal as to when that will be. Some changes need to be made to my first book but other than that things are slow. J.K Rowling was sitting on a train when an adventurous little boy popped into her imagination. I have no doubt that my Harry Potter will appear when I least expect it.

Just by admitting that I was stuck. It was suggested to me to write a few words about my vision board and a spark for a blog post was lit. The year has just entered its second half so it is safe to access my progress.

I decided to stick to my mantra in life, actually live it and not just talk about it and quote it everywhere.  To be the Moondancer you actually have to live fearlessly. This is quite difficult for a person who is naturally careful, calculated, worrisome and self conscious. But I have been doing well and learning to live for my happiness and not that of others who tell me what they want for me and expect me to comply. I know they are well intentioned, but at the end of the day. It is my life and I have to live it.

According to my board I hoped to
Do me, be me - Slowly but surely I am coming out of the box drawn around me and becoming Floree....for example I bought and wore quite a scandalous number because I loved it and wanted to come out my comfort zone. Are there people in my life who felt it was inappropriate? Sure, but that's not how I felt and I enjoyed the experience and I am coming to love my body more and more.

Love Better- It wasn't that I was loving badly. I am great at loving but it is hard for me to be loved because of certain issues I have had. But I am getting better. Having someone that is understanding and patient makes the process so much smoother.

Get Fit- Since January I have been working with a trainer, except for one month I have been constant and I like my process. At first I thought I would only go until May. But I think I am going to stick with the trainer for the year.

That's it, I am doing me, being me, making my choices and not apologizing for it.

Ps I must once again thank my friend Amina for the vision board session. I would also like to thank Brenda Lee for her words of inspiration :) I love being surrounded by such amazing women.