Miss you always

I almost didnt realise that I missed the 10th anniversary of Aaliyah's untimely slipping away. Now Im not a person for this kinda thing. But if you didnt know I have/had an unhealthy obsession with her. I wanted to dress like her etc etc. I think her death still bothers me because she's the first person I knew that died young. Note well I never met the chick. But at a young age I just saw her on tv and in magazines and wanted to emulate her. I guess partly cuz we had the same body type real skinny, small boobs and a washboard stomach (ya i HAD one of those lol). 
I still remember the day I came home from church turned on the tv which was set on CNN and hearing them talk about her and I thought she won some award or something. Then I stood there stunned. I didnt understand, thought it was a rumor, cuz she was so young. Why I feel like I knew her I really dont know, why I miss someone I never met, I have no idea. All I know is at certain points when I hear her music I think I miss you babygirl. She wanted to be remembered as a great entertainer and good person and that's exactly how I remember her.

RIP always ........

Faithful

So at the beginning of this year I decided to title my year with a theme. This year's theme is 'Great is thy faithfulness'. I decided that against my wanna be in control of things nature I would depend more on the faithful nature of God. After all He has never let me down even in times when I cant figure out where things are going (i hate not knowing!). Anyways point is everything I had whispered a silent prayer about this year has come through. So this is my public THANK YOU!  A few new chapters have opened for me particularly this month, so fast my head is spinning! But not so fast that I didnt get the chance to stop and say Thanks.
"Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good."  - Maya Angelou

Peace & Blessings :)

The one

A few weeks ago  I read a blog post on one of the blogs I love to follow Island Style (check it out). There was a really deep poem linked to the post. The subject of the poem was basically about not settling for someone just because time is marching on and you need to have 'the one' in your life. The poet said she was gonna wait for him to come along. I really enjoyed the poem however I tend to disagree with this waiting for 'the one' story. Dont get me wrong dont settle with the next joe blow that comes around because your clock is ticking, no 1 should ever settle. But no one should sit and wait either! I have met alot of women who say they are waiting. And I have met alot of older women who say they waited but he never came. Waiting for the one to me is like Waiting For Godoe. I had the displeasure, at the time, of reading this book in state college. I hated the book found it made no sense.

The whole book was about 2 old men waiting for this Godoe person to arrive. I didnt get the relevance of the book until years later. They were told Godoe was coming, but they never met him, nor were sure of his existence. But someone said to sit there and Godoe would come along. Isnt waiting for the one like waiting for Godoe? How can you wait for someone that may not be coming along the road, passing the bench you are sitting on?
I blame Disney and all those other fairytales that make us think that this white knight is gonna come knocking at our castle door. Some say they pray that God sends the one. Sure you need to pray about everything in your life, but He doesnt drop people from the sky. Case in point dont sit waiting for some magical oops i dropped my things and this gorgeous creature from heaven helps me pick them up and *shazzam* 
A spinster I know once pulled me aside and implored me to not make the same mistake she did. She said she was too picky and let so many men pass through her fingers. While we shouldnt settle for someone because they came around, we also shouldnt turn away someone because they dont match up to our list. I have learnt early out that this list person doesnt exist, a person built exactly to your liking is highly unlikely.  A plain brown paper package can have the best treasure as opposed to looking for a pretty big nicely wrapped box it may very well be empty. If you see something go after it, keep yourself open to opportunity, and most importantly remember good things can come in plain brown paper wrappings with a option to help assemble them piece by piece.
*Disclaimer: I in no way am an expert on this topic, im just saying what I think*

Moondancing

I dont know if you remember me mentioning the poem 'It will Pass' by Queen Sheba. Well it got me through some tough times. Point of the poem as mentioned is 'it will pass like time promises it will'. At the times one thinks, no it wont as they slam their head against the pillow. Nothing about the rain stopping makes sense when the sky is dark, rain is pounding on your face and its blacker than night.  But oh when it stops raining, it stops. You tend not to notice the gradual reduction til you look up one day and think hey its kinda just drizzling. Then one day it stops and for some strange reason there's no 'hey its not raining moment'. You just realise one day that life has gone back to normal. You realise that you are more than ok, you are pretty great. Your clothes are dry, the sun is shining and life is good.

So if you are going through something, when people tell you time heals all wounds it's true. It really doesn't seem so at the time, but take it from me, it will pass. 

I was going through my old posts and came across my New Year's post and reflected on how far I have come. And the fact that except for 1 task (in progress) I have completed all the things I set out to do this year both physically and mentally. Yay me :)

Right so I also have a Tumblr account now, I see things and like them cuz it fits my line of thought so I tumble em. No thoughts, just quotes and pictures. Case in point more of the Moon Dancer to love :)
http://flowthemoondancer.tumblr.com/

Enjoy

Her tears never dried....

Feel like I had to say something, I was truly honoured to be introduced to this woman's music. I think I was in college, after  hearing 1 song I downloaded the whole album! This made me fall truly, madly deeply in love with her. And out of utter respect I bought the album, had to own it and give her support. She had the old school soul with this raspy voice that just made you wonder if she had been transported from 1975. Alas looking back I kinda realise how sad the whole album is, how sad the songs she chose to cover were, which probably reflected her tormented soul. Why so many amazingly talented artist loose this fight with their inner battles we will never know. I feel that maybe they carry a burden we don't understand. Whereas we can lie around for weeks in a rut, they gotta come on stage and bring you the joy that you have been waiting for, hence sacrificing their own. A part me was always hoping she'd kick the habit and return to music land. She's now that artist my kids will hear about that left this world too early, while her music lives on in history.
To Amy Winehouse, whose tears never dried on their own..................


My fav Winehouse song, surely got me through sometimes. This is the original demo where she poured her heart into it.

Sliding Doors

A couple of years ago I watched the movie Sliding Doors. I loved the concept of the movie, basically it showed the paralleled life of a woman based on what would have happened if she made 1 simple decision. They showed her life and what would have happened if she caught the subway and if she didnt. It was interesting to think of how someone's life could be so completely different by making one simple daily decision. I often look back on my life to find these simple decisions.
Ok follow this chain, I wanted to do IT at university out of the 4 schools I applied to only 2 responded, one in Niagara Falls, one in Toronto. I choose Toronto (clearly if I chose the other school this story would be different; these occurrences will be called a sliding door for shortening purposes). So I went to UTM and in my 2nd yr needed a 2nd major to accompany my first. I took a shining to psychology but I didnt have A level maths- i HATE math, and what it has to do with psych i aint know! So the advisor recommended writing, I unwillingly accepted *sliding door, I coulda done a specialist instead*.
In my 4th yr I really wanted to do the Making a Book course but I didnt feel like I was good enough to be accepted into the course, but with sweaty palms I went to the prof. *sliding door, no confidence, no first book* Hence my first book came to life, therefore why I went to the literary fest in 07, where I met one half of August Rush in a workshop. *sliding door I coulda not chose that workshop, or not sat next to her.* Sometime later she invited me to be backstage help at the Vagina Monologues *sliding door, i coulda said no* (side note she lied cuz when i got there i was handed a script!) but anyways...

If I didnt take this opportunity I wouldnt have been the adopted sister of an infamous radio personality, I wouldnt have met August Rush and been privy to all the great things they do, which in turn inspires me to keep, keeping on. I wouldnt be a lady of the square table, I wouldnt have met my fabulous liming partners, I wouldnt have met a certain St. lucian beauty who later exposed me to the movie crew, whose movie nights I cherish dearly. All this stems back from deciding to go to UTM instead of Brock University. Hold a second can you imagine how many lives would have been affected if those ladies choose other sliding doors that led to no monologues!!!!

Nothing is coincidence my friends everything is aligning something in your future that you haven't even thought about yet! There are tons of other sliding doors in my life. You should think about yours, its pretty cool!

The ladies of the square table

I grew up watching shows like living single and girlfriends, I always admired and yearned for those group moments where the women would sit around sharing problems, stories and giving their advice on an 'issue'. I always liked the fact that a bunch of women could pass hours away just talking about any and everything with no judgment and a couple of well placed jokes. Fast forward to my 26th year on earth, I'm not really sure how we all ended up together. But one extremely rainy, thunder and lightening, chance of flash flooding night, four ladies gathered around a square kitchen table for mudslides and an assortment of sinful desserts. Thus began the ladies of the square table, a silent Floree wish granted! And we talked about everything, and laughed, and talked and I absolutely loved it. What stood out most for me was when I shared the sentiment that for the rest of 2010 my heart would be closed. I was tired, seeing that it was the latter half of a long ass year, did you hear about my 2010!! But anyways needless to say I was exhausted didnt feel like sharing myself with anyone, anytime soon. But alas the purpose of the roundtable is to share and advise. And seeing that I'm the baby of the table I get to hear the experiences of those a few steps ahead of me. I suppose you are always in the right place at the right time to hear something you need to be told. One of the lady's of the table simply told me not to do it. Don't close down, she said while relating a story that made her think if only I had known. At the end of the night she gave me a hug that I can't ever forget. This hug said I know what you are going through but don't give up. I keep replaying that advice in my head for the moments when I realise why I needed to hear that. That single piece of advice gave me this weird positive you just gotta believe Floree mode. Nights like those remind me of how great life can be if you situate yourself  around great people, sisters, friends. And also that your girlhood desires of female laughter around some alcoholic drinks is definitely not overrated! Cheers to the ladies of the square table.