Merry Christmas

Indeed Christmas has become commercialized the fat dude in a suit, merchandising, merchandising, partying, and more merchandising. Yes of course some greedy person always has to come in and spoil a good thing. But that doesn't mean we have to let it overpower the real meaning. Christmas is about pausing to recognize a special event in history whether you agree or not on the time it happened. It's about celebrating a figure that represents LOVE. Christmas should be about love, giving, family, friends and togetherness. It's about not so much about receiving or giving the perfect gift as it is about seeing your loved one smile because you took time out your busy schedule to get something you thought they would like. To me this is what Christmas is about. So for a little while forget about the bills, the recession, the diet and the pile of work you left at your office. Take time to give thanks for this season for the people around you and the love they give.

From me to you I say thanks for the love, God bless and Merry Christmas xoxo

I wanna write for Cosmo!

Oh look she's in a writing mood!
Ok so lately I've been....well not that lately...but I've been reading magazines more online mostly. What's with all the dumb ass articles that fill women magazines? And where can i sign up to write for one? I wanna get paid for pulling things out my ass! Seriously who made Katerina Isinberg (if you exist hun no offense) an expert on how to make a man happy? Has she dated a large enough variety of men to be able to know how every possible man in the world operates?
Oh please tell me why Amanda Rose knows 50 ways to prove he's in love with you? How come this chick knows. Or more like how come this chick gets paid to make up stuff and do random google searches for useless facts?
Further more how come men are not writing these articles? Wouldn't they know most of all how their minds operate? Women's mags tend to try and add like 1 'men's point of view' page to appease this query.

Why we keep buying these publications is beyond me. The big titles are usually dumb stuff like how to turn him on, how to be sexy, figure out what he's thinking. If this is a women's magazine why is half the content about getting, keeping and pleasing a man? I think a bunch of men should start their own magazine giving advice for women cuz clearly its a hot commodity. Hire the usual fashion consultant, nutrionist and ob-gyn for pertinent stuff and the rest, just have at it. Tell us why we are still single, tell us where to meet 'good' men, give us catchy pick up lines......hold a sec are these topics in men's magazines?
Lets look at a random GQ cover ...nope nothing about where to meet wife material. We have some celeb interviews, gadget reviews, fashions, and just a little subtitle about looking at pics of sexy girls. Looks like some good reading to me....maybe i'll subscribe to GQ lol

Let's look at a woman's magazine......so i went to google cosmo covers and saw this trend i had to screen capture. Every other cover has the word sex bolded and enlarged..... and we have topics like between his thighs, 3 signs he's about to cheat (like this is universal!), his biggest sex secrets (hmm i wonder what chick wrote that), Is he normal down there (isn't that his problem?).  Oh this one from Glamor sounds good why he didn't friend you on Facebook (do tell!)

So after watching Miss Representation I wonder if it is that the big bad media is so controlling or if we have just brain washed ourselves. These magazines strive because we buy them, we write for them...what am i missing? Don't get me wrong there are some women's magazines that are about women stuff, not as popular clearly. In the meantime stop buying the dunce ones that tell you things you already know! Im just saying lol.

21

Geez I've been quiet eh? Dont worry frequent posts are back again....well frequent enough... ok imma get this thing back up and running ya?!  But on real my computer's being a real behind! And I had a writing obligation that i no longer have *back to writing for me* 

Yes now shall we begin with the most bias post ever? Yes lets proceed.

I have not listened to every album released this year so I say this with no authority.....
21 by Adele was the best album of 2011!! *drops confetti* She deserves all 6 grammys! I done talk!
*breaking news 21 is the biggest selling UK album of the 21st century* Numbers dont lie!!
I began my love affair with this amazing woman after I heard her first ever track Chasing Pavement. I had to know who, what, why and where, you I'm a lyrics woman! After hearing the first track of 21 'Rolling in the deep' i almost fell out my chair i was so ready for this album. Then I heard her track by track explanation...gahhhh sheer genius! Dear Sir who broke this chick's heart I hope you enjoy this constant reminder of your stupidity! Please walk with me as I share my fav tracks on this album of the year.
Rolling in the Deep
Her screw you life was good over here, you blew it, go about your way young sir song!
Fav verse
'Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow'


Turning Tables
My heart.... this woman put her foot in these songs eh? Anyways this song captures that feeling when you are in a relationship that just turns toxic and controlling. I dont know what to say man.... her voice is so clear and honest in this song I feel her literally choking in this song. Then she gets to the chorus 'I cant keep up with your turning tables under your thumb I cant breathe...' and u sit mellowed and kinda sad....
Fav verse
'Under haunted skies I see, ooh,
Where love is lost, your ghost is found,
I braved a hundred storms to leave you,
As hard as you try, no, I will never be knocked down'

Dont You Remember
*cue the tears* Whenever I hear this song I can just imagine someone standing in the rain crying at the door step of their used to be love asking 'dont you remember?' There's no pain like regret... dang lady you make grown people cry
Fav verse
'Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,
When will I see you again?

Set Fire to the Rain
After hearing her reason behind writing this song I decided to make us kindred soul sisters, cuz she's all knowing and all feeling. Its the song about the rebound relationship, the kind that takes advantage of the weak minded. So she takes control and sets fire to the rain aka empowering herself by walking away, chasing pavements, setting fire to rain! Girl!
Fav verse
My hands they were strong, but my knees were far too weak,
To stand in your arms without falling to your feet,
But there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true,
And the games you'd play, you would always win, always win.

One and Only
You know when you find that someone that you really want but they are apprehensive for whatever reason about being in a relationship? Yea well you can play this song to them. She just reassures aggressively with a touch of soul why you should give her a chance.
Fav verse
I don't know why I'm scared,
'Cause I've been here before,
Every feeling, every word,
I've imagined it all,
You'll never know if you never try,
To forget your past and simply be mine,

Someone like you
You are not human if this song didnt touch you in all kind of deep places *get your mind out the gutter!* What can I say she sings the fears of many an abandoned lover who shows up years later hoping to find their old flame there with open arms. Instead they are happy and settled, and you are alone and sad. Her performance at the Brit Awards ....... words cant begin to express the feelings she was going thru in front of millions, its like she feels this song more than the others.
Fav verse
Don't forget me
I beg
I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love

*Warning this album has been known to cause extreme sadness....but dammit when last has some music touched you like that* 6 grammys...the oracle has spoken!!

Clocks

I wrote this really randomly one day. I just started thinking that time just passes so quickly and as time goes it gets more complicated....sometimes I just wanna say hold on pause...

Clocks tick time passing tick tock please stop.
Hours, days, minutes, seconds, wait please halt
Time ticks on seasons pass, children grow old
Memories fade, relationships wane
Please second hand no more tick tock.

Time wait for me, wait for me I'm not ready to grow up
I'm not ready for life to march on, people to leave, seasons to age me
Time please I beg you just wait, let me linger awhile longer right here

Just right here pause right here where life is easy between kinda half grown and full grown
Not so young and not yet old
Before simple bills turn into major payments
Before I love yous turn into I dos
Before see you laters turn into I'll see you on the other side
Time I know you wait for no man, please just wait on me
Clocks tick time passing tick tock please stop

(c) F.A.W

My Fav O moment

 I got an email today from Miss Oprah, dont get excited it was a newsletter thingy. Anyways she was asking people, in the Chicago area (booo) to submit their favourite surprise type moment from her show. I wanted to submit mine, but I am a woman of order and seeing that they were specific in their request for Chicagonians (is that what you call em?) I closed the screen. So I will just tell you instead, maybe Miss O will see and fly me out anyways :D
Yes back to the topic at hand. She was interviewing this young man from Sudan I think. When he was little his village was attacked. As the rebels plowed through the village killing everyone in sight. He and a few other boys escaped through the forest and braved the wilderness for many months until they found a refugee camp. I think they were called the lost boys.

At the camp he met a little girl who he became good friends with. He asked one of the volunteers to take a picture of the 2 of them. The volunteer returned to the camp many months later and gave him the photo. The little girl had already been sent for in another country and subsequently he was sent to the US to live. Many years later he went to visit a friend of his in Canada. They went to church and guess who he saw there? Yep the little girl from the camp. He just knew it was her and he even had the picture with him still after all those years. So they started talking, badda bing, badda boom they fell in love. Unfortunately they were having great difficulty in getting her paper work straight so the process had become long, drawn out and frustrating. After he had gotten to this part of his story. Dear Miss Oprah informs the guy that she pulled a few strings and guess who is here!

Out walks the girl and the guy jumps over to the couch (screw you Tom Cruise this was better) and runs to her.

This was the most memorable surprise moment to me because that was a real life fairytale, complete with a fairy godmother who waved her wand and made things fall into place, a touch of fate and overcoming great odds. Yes I shed a few tears of happiness because I saw true love in that face of that man as he flew over the couch to touch the one who he longed to see the most. And after hearing their story of great courage I couldnt think of anyone who deserved it more.

When I ...

He thinks I'm pretty when I sleep
Hair tousled , helter skelter,strands everywhere 
Mouth open slight sounds of distant snores
He thinks I'm pretty when I sleep
Dreaming in his lap unconscious of every awkward move and contorted shape
Belly grumbling, nose wheezing, nighttime pimples slowly rising 
Soft strokes and a gentle kiss 
Because he thinks I'm pretty when  I sleep      

Love is...

Love is staring beyond her eyes and into her soul. 
Love is  holding her hand, squeezing infrequently to remind her that he is thinking of her, even though she's right there. 
Love is telling her at the times when she doesnt think so, that she is beautiful, once, twice, three times. 
Love is staring at her ever so often to drink in her very essence. 
Love is caressing her in a crowded room enjoying a solitary moment, listening to her dreams, laughing off her frustrations, kissing her; finding pleasure in every tender lick, bite and pull. 
Love is long hugs, moonlight strolls, sweet early morning reminders, inside jokes, prolonged good nights, endless laughter, stolen moments in a sea of people.
Love is pulling her in close, wrapping her up in a warm kiss, staring deep into her eyes  and saying ......



Close to you , around you. My heart is singing a new song. Words and melody coming from you.
Comfort you, holding you. This is my only fantasy. Just wanna breathe the air surrounding you
 

She relishes spending hours in his company
She cherishes his open expression of guiltless love
She  adores his beautiful smile, bashful laugh and gorgeous brown eyes
She beams at the very sound of her name from his lips
She shivers at his touch, tender and reassuring every graze done with care
She inhales at the very thought of his existence in her life, inhale/exhale hold back the tears of joy. Inhale/exhale where did he come from, how did he get in? Inhale/exhale she thought this feeling would never come again. Inhale/exhale her dark nights are now beautiful mornings. Inhale/exhale please don't leave she wants him to stay always. Inhale/exhale its moving so fast, what is this feeling? Inhale/exhale is this it? Is this love...exhale
Yes, she thinks....yes, she knows... yes ,she does.....she loves him. 
Love is him 



Love is kind, it makes me stronger. I don't have to look no longer. You're the one I'd cling to, love is you

Miss you always

I almost didnt realise that I missed the 10th anniversary of Aaliyah's untimely slipping away. Now Im not a person for this kinda thing. But if you didnt know I have/had an unhealthy obsession with her. I wanted to dress like her etc etc. I think her death still bothers me because she's the first person I knew that died young. Note well I never met the chick. But at a young age I just saw her on tv and in magazines and wanted to emulate her. I guess partly cuz we had the same body type real skinny, small boobs and a washboard stomach (ya i HAD one of those lol). 
I still remember the day I came home from church turned on the tv which was set on CNN and hearing them talk about her and I thought she won some award or something. Then I stood there stunned. I didnt understand, thought it was a rumor, cuz she was so young. Why I feel like I knew her I really dont know, why I miss someone I never met, I have no idea. All I know is at certain points when I hear her music I think I miss you babygirl. She wanted to be remembered as a great entertainer and good person and that's exactly how I remember her.

RIP always ........

Faithful

So at the beginning of this year I decided to title my year with a theme. This year's theme is 'Great is thy faithfulness'. I decided that against my wanna be in control of things nature I would depend more on the faithful nature of God. After all He has never let me down even in times when I cant figure out where things are going (i hate not knowing!). Anyways point is everything I had whispered a silent prayer about this year has come through. So this is my public THANK YOU!  A few new chapters have opened for me particularly this month, so fast my head is spinning! But not so fast that I didnt get the chance to stop and say Thanks.
"Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good."  - Maya Angelou

Peace & Blessings :)

The one

A few weeks ago  I read a blog post on one of the blogs I love to follow Island Style (check it out). There was a really deep poem linked to the post. The subject of the poem was basically about not settling for someone just because time is marching on and you need to have 'the one' in your life. The poet said she was gonna wait for him to come along. I really enjoyed the poem however I tend to disagree with this waiting for 'the one' story. Dont get me wrong dont settle with the next joe blow that comes around because your clock is ticking, no 1 should ever settle. But no one should sit and wait either! I have met alot of women who say they are waiting. And I have met alot of older women who say they waited but he never came. Waiting for the one to me is like Waiting For Godoe. I had the displeasure, at the time, of reading this book in state college. I hated the book found it made no sense.

The whole book was about 2 old men waiting for this Godoe person to arrive. I didnt get the relevance of the book until years later. They were told Godoe was coming, but they never met him, nor were sure of his existence. But someone said to sit there and Godoe would come along. Isnt waiting for the one like waiting for Godoe? How can you wait for someone that may not be coming along the road, passing the bench you are sitting on?
I blame Disney and all those other fairytales that make us think that this white knight is gonna come knocking at our castle door. Some say they pray that God sends the one. Sure you need to pray about everything in your life, but He doesnt drop people from the sky. Case in point dont sit waiting for some magical oops i dropped my things and this gorgeous creature from heaven helps me pick them up and *shazzam* 
A spinster I know once pulled me aside and implored me to not make the same mistake she did. She said she was too picky and let so many men pass through her fingers. While we shouldnt settle for someone because they came around, we also shouldnt turn away someone because they dont match up to our list. I have learnt early out that this list person doesnt exist, a person built exactly to your liking is highly unlikely.  A plain brown paper package can have the best treasure as opposed to looking for a pretty big nicely wrapped box it may very well be empty. If you see something go after it, keep yourself open to opportunity, and most importantly remember good things can come in plain brown paper wrappings with a option to help assemble them piece by piece.
*Disclaimer: I in no way am an expert on this topic, im just saying what I think*

Moondancing

I dont know if you remember me mentioning the poem 'It will Pass' by Queen Sheba. Well it got me through some tough times. Point of the poem as mentioned is 'it will pass like time promises it will'. At the times one thinks, no it wont as they slam their head against the pillow. Nothing about the rain stopping makes sense when the sky is dark, rain is pounding on your face and its blacker than night.  But oh when it stops raining, it stops. You tend not to notice the gradual reduction til you look up one day and think hey its kinda just drizzling. Then one day it stops and for some strange reason there's no 'hey its not raining moment'. You just realise one day that life has gone back to normal. You realise that you are more than ok, you are pretty great. Your clothes are dry, the sun is shining and life is good.

So if you are going through something, when people tell you time heals all wounds it's true. It really doesn't seem so at the time, but take it from me, it will pass. 

I was going through my old posts and came across my New Year's post and reflected on how far I have come. And the fact that except for 1 task (in progress) I have completed all the things I set out to do this year both physically and mentally. Yay me :)

Right so I also have a Tumblr account now, I see things and like them cuz it fits my line of thought so I tumble em. No thoughts, just quotes and pictures. Case in point more of the Moon Dancer to love :)
http://flowthemoondancer.tumblr.com/

Enjoy

Her tears never dried....

Feel like I had to say something, I was truly honoured to be introduced to this woman's music. I think I was in college, after  hearing 1 song I downloaded the whole album! This made me fall truly, madly deeply in love with her. And out of utter respect I bought the album, had to own it and give her support. She had the old school soul with this raspy voice that just made you wonder if she had been transported from 1975. Alas looking back I kinda realise how sad the whole album is, how sad the songs she chose to cover were, which probably reflected her tormented soul. Why so many amazingly talented artist loose this fight with their inner battles we will never know. I feel that maybe they carry a burden we don't understand. Whereas we can lie around for weeks in a rut, they gotta come on stage and bring you the joy that you have been waiting for, hence sacrificing their own. A part me was always hoping she'd kick the habit and return to music land. She's now that artist my kids will hear about that left this world too early, while her music lives on in history.
To Amy Winehouse, whose tears never dried on their own..................


My fav Winehouse song, surely got me through sometimes. This is the original demo where she poured her heart into it.

Sliding Doors

A couple of years ago I watched the movie Sliding Doors. I loved the concept of the movie, basically it showed the paralleled life of a woman based on what would have happened if she made 1 simple decision. They showed her life and what would have happened if she caught the subway and if she didnt. It was interesting to think of how someone's life could be so completely different by making one simple daily decision. I often look back on my life to find these simple decisions.
Ok follow this chain, I wanted to do IT at university out of the 4 schools I applied to only 2 responded, one in Niagara Falls, one in Toronto. I choose Toronto (clearly if I chose the other school this story would be different; these occurrences will be called a sliding door for shortening purposes). So I went to UTM and in my 2nd yr needed a 2nd major to accompany my first. I took a shining to psychology but I didnt have A level maths- i HATE math, and what it has to do with psych i aint know! So the advisor recommended writing, I unwillingly accepted *sliding door, I coulda done a specialist instead*.
In my 4th yr I really wanted to do the Making a Book course but I didnt feel like I was good enough to be accepted into the course, but with sweaty palms I went to the prof. *sliding door, no confidence, no first book* Hence my first book came to life, therefore why I went to the literary fest in 07, where I met one half of August Rush in a workshop. *sliding door I coulda not chose that workshop, or not sat next to her.* Sometime later she invited me to be backstage help at the Vagina Monologues *sliding door, i coulda said no* (side note she lied cuz when i got there i was handed a script!) but anyways...

If I didnt take this opportunity I wouldnt have been the adopted sister of an infamous radio personality, I wouldnt have met August Rush and been privy to all the great things they do, which in turn inspires me to keep, keeping on. I wouldnt be a lady of the square table, I wouldnt have met my fabulous liming partners, I wouldnt have met a certain St. lucian beauty who later exposed me to the movie crew, whose movie nights I cherish dearly. All this stems back from deciding to go to UTM instead of Brock University. Hold a second can you imagine how many lives would have been affected if those ladies choose other sliding doors that led to no monologues!!!!

Nothing is coincidence my friends everything is aligning something in your future that you haven't even thought about yet! There are tons of other sliding doors in my life. You should think about yours, its pretty cool!

The ladies of the square table

I grew up watching shows like living single and girlfriends, I always admired and yearned for those group moments where the women would sit around sharing problems, stories and giving their advice on an 'issue'. I always liked the fact that a bunch of women could pass hours away just talking about any and everything with no judgment and a couple of well placed jokes. Fast forward to my 26th year on earth, I'm not really sure how we all ended up together. But one extremely rainy, thunder and lightening, chance of flash flooding night, four ladies gathered around a square kitchen table for mudslides and an assortment of sinful desserts. Thus began the ladies of the square table, a silent Floree wish granted! And we talked about everything, and laughed, and talked and I absolutely loved it. What stood out most for me was when I shared the sentiment that for the rest of 2010 my heart would be closed. I was tired, seeing that it was the latter half of a long ass year, did you hear about my 2010!! But anyways needless to say I was exhausted didnt feel like sharing myself with anyone, anytime soon. But alas the purpose of the roundtable is to share and advise. And seeing that I'm the baby of the table I get to hear the experiences of those a few steps ahead of me. I suppose you are always in the right place at the right time to hear something you need to be told. One of the lady's of the table simply told me not to do it. Don't close down, she said while relating a story that made her think if only I had known. At the end of the night she gave me a hug that I can't ever forget. This hug said I know what you are going through but don't give up. I keep replaying that advice in my head for the moments when I realise why I needed to hear that. That single piece of advice gave me this weird positive you just gotta believe Floree mode. Nights like those remind me of how great life can be if you situate yourself  around great people, sisters, friends. And also that your girlhood desires of female laughter around some alcoholic drinks is definitely not overrated! Cheers to the ladies of the square table.

The secret

There's this married couple who I truly admire, in fact I will go out on a limb and say that they are my favorite married couple. I suppose that looking passed them being 2 really cool individuals they just seem to have a marriage that a) isnt primped and proper for company and b) is something one would actually want in life one day. I was privy to their #1 reason for having a successful, admirable marriage, as soon as I heard 'you guys wanna know our secret?' I opened my mental note pad. The secret is that they have a friendship that takes precident over everything else i.e sex and emotions, hence when the latter 2 falter they still have their friendship. I pondered this statement and thought but aren't all couples friends? I thought of other couples I knew and realised that maybe not. There are some couples that are literally just that a couple. They make sure they do the things that 'couples' are supposed to and they are good at maintaining this.  

So what is a friendship between couples?  I kinda think that it's the point where it's your go to person, the person that knows you inside out and not because they have seen every part of you. Many people think of their 'person' as just the person to put in hours with. When it should be the person you wanna make happy just because their happiness means alot to you.  It's the same premise as having a regular friend, you dont spend mandatory time around friends nobody does that. People spend time with their friends because its fun and they love to do it. People love their friends because they can be themselves. And because their friends are real with them. Many couples aren't real with each other, they dont say what they really feel they say what they think the other person wants to hear. Some do it to score points while others just aren't comfortable.

On a more serious note being friends in a relationship is like being on a team both working for the common goal of 'winning' and winning could be having a fun, long lasting relationship. Whereas those who are not friends are kinda like co-workers. People in the same boat who are working to get paid, each out for themself, each doing what they are supposed to do. 
The best example i can think of is the Huxtables, they were a team, they enjoyed each other, they conferred, they respected each other.
So I'm not married and never been so im really just guessing and probably just scraping the surface of this topic. All I know is I want a man that is my friend first lover second.

Masterclass with Maya

I had the pleasure at 1 am last night of finally getting to see Oprah's Master Class with Maya Angelo. It was a class indeed! There's just something about Miss Angelo, when she talks there is this light beaming from her. It draws you to her, I think that's that energy thing Oprah was talking about, I have never met this woman in person but her positive energy draws me to listen to her wisdom. She said sooo much and I just sucked it all up. She spoke alot about leaving a mark on the world by leaving a mark on people. "Be the rainbow in someone else's cloud". Ps im ordering her books 'letters to my daughter' as we speak I wanna be her 'daughter' and get more advice/wisdom. 

She also touched on the fact that you have to know yourself....geez do I ever struggle with this sometimes. But her light made me feel like possibly(probably) I already know who that person is but I'm too hard on myself."The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach."  She said that we are all teachers and I'm a firm believer in this fact that everything you go through in life at face value is at least something you can teach someone else.

Even when she speaks you have to just smile the way her words just seem to flow into each other, every sentence is poetry! I felt like she was talking to me that she would say 'my child why do you trouble yourself so much, why dont you enjoy life and stop worrying.' I felt that she would take my hand and smile and recite a poem that made absolute sense to only me
  Her main message in the class was to treat people well, to see the good in every person, to laugh alot and love life. 
  "The main thing in one's own private world is to try to laugh as much as you cry."   
"Love life. Engage in it. Give it all you've got. Love it with a passion because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it." 
"We are all human; therefore, nothing human can be alien to us." 

Her ending quote is what really left an impression on me. She said in essence that 'You should live your life so that when people say your name they dont say 'oh dam, hell' but rather 'what a nice person, she's so sweet, God bless her.'
I can totally try this out. Thank you Miss Angelo for inspiring one of your 'daughters'

The moment

Ok so call me a sap, but I've watched this movie about once or twice, did not make my list of top movies ever. Probably wouldnt watch it if it was on. But I came across this scene while I was randomly youtubing and tears came to my eyes. I totally felt like the lady in the white shirt, the way she stopped and was totally transfixed on Drew's monologue.
To be real despite the grittiness of real love, which is probably not portrayed in above romantic comedy,everyone, as hard as they want to appear doesn't mind these little moments. In fact we want them and cherish them in the recesses of our private mind. Yes it is pretty sappy to sit crying infront of the tv cuz Jack and Jill reunited and kissed in the rain. But heck if you were Jill in real life for that small moment in time, nothing else matters. It's like going on vacation, I'm talking resort everything's already paid for vacation. While you are there you dont care if your plants at home are wilting, that work is piling up on your desk, that you and your best friend had an argument. For that time its all the about the moment. Everyone wants a moment, the moment, when the world stops, sounds go silent, distractions go on pause and an alternate universe is created between you and this person. Doesnt matter what's gonna happen with yall 2 months later, doesnt matter that they were acting like an ass last week, doesnt matter that they didnt call when they said. This moment lives on its own, far away from real life. Happiness for if only a brief passing moment is always worth it

Top 5 movie cries

Call me a punk if you want but I'm that sucker who cries when someone dies in a movie. Dont get me wrong I'm not a happy endings sap who sheds tears cuz the boy found the girl, now that's pathetic!
Anyways here are my top 5 movie cries...(no Titanic is not on this list!) Note well I've only watched these movies once, and this is only my top 5 ^.^!
Spoiler alert I give away the ends of these movies lol

 

5)

The Green Mile
I watched this only because a guy friend of mine said he almost cried. A guy almost crying for a movie! No, no I had to see for myself! Just explain to me why the sweetest soul on the earth had to be wrongfully executed! Why!!! *sniff sniff*

4) City of Angels
WTH man! An angel leaves heaven gives up eternity to be with a human, talk about love and she dies!! First of all Nicholas Cage does a very good sad, pitiful face and then the dam song plays 'In the arms of an angel, fly away from here..' *tears*

3) The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
This movie made me feel awful! To think of living life in reverse from an old person to a baby, aka seeing everyone die simply depressed me. The movie finished and I just sat and cried when i looked back I realised the movie was full of death basically! Every stage of his life someone died because everyone was getting older as he got younger geezzzz... *rivers of tears in the dark*

2) A Walk to Remember
Oh boy what can I say they fall in love she gets deathly ill and you know the rest! I cried for the last quarter of the movie, into the credits, im not done yet, and passed the Mandy Moore music video after the credits. Sad I know im not proud!

*drumroll*.............and the award goes to.......

1) The Notebook
Cheese and crackers this one took me down!! First of all in the history of me, no movie has made me contemplate stopping it! The old man gets sick and my mind had convinced me that he was gonna die and the old lady was gonna miraculously get her memory back and he'd be dead! I just couldnt deal with that outcome. I attempted to pressed stop as tears raced down my face. I digressed and continued in silence! Ah i was wrong thank goodness but that didnt stop me from having the nastiest movie cry ever! Just tears, upon tears, upon tears, head in the pillow boohooing! After this I opened my door did a quick peep to make sure my roomie wasnt roaming around the apartment. All I needed was for her to see me in my shameful state, "why darling what's wrong, who died?' How could I ever say the people on my computer screen! If you saw my eyes when I tiptoed into the bathroom! Blood red! Yeah im embarrassed! Keep that flick away from me!!!

Change the voices.....

 "You're so mean, when you talk, about yourself you were wrong.
Change the voices, in your head, make them like you instead.
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game.
It's enough! I've done all I can think of.
Chased down all my demons, i've seen you do the same"-- Pink

So I had a fight with myself, a huge cuss out, drag in the mud, i totally hate you argument, with me. No there is no typo, don't act like you never argued with yourself! It was one of those weird days where my mind decided to go into self destruction mode and I had a hard time finding the red wire. After the whole meltdown was averted, I reflected on our confrontation. As usual the 'positive' side of me was overpowered by thoughts of the worst. Usually when these fights occur there's a specific reason that needs to be targeted after the dust has settled. It usually that i have allowed something or someone to poison me, my essence, my inner core. I only realised what had caused this fight when someone said to me 'you are not the same Floree'. What not the same me! Of course I didnt change I just think different, i said. But really was it because i had matured or because after a bout with poisoning, my immune system had not recovered properly?
Yep I've been poisoned, slow poisoned at that to the point where i have turned against myself. At any given moment my mind can begin attacking me with things that I must convince myself of not being true. It's funny I can be like a pretty house with a beautiful garden but when you open the door to go inside you realise that the inside is in disarray.
We are our own worst enemies (well i know that's my case), the mind is such a powerful organ! Your mind can make you see and believe things that are not there to the point where you are completely convinced. I guess the first and most important step is to always figure out how this thought was planted and then begin to eradicate it. Thankfully I have a direct line to a Man in the sky when i need help, really good friends that keep drumming it into my thick skull and that Pink song!

Grey Revelations part 2

 And now its time for another tidbit of wisdom from one my favorite shows! If you ever get to watch the show listen to the intro and closing lines, always food for thought


We don’t wish for the easy stuff. We wish for big things. Things that are ambitious, out of reach. We wish because we need help, and we’re scared, and we know we may be asking too much. We still wish though, because sometimes… they come true

We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future. As if figuring it out will somehow cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of of our deepest fears, and our wildest hopes. But one thing is certain: When it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you’re little, night time is scary, because there are monsters hiding right under the bed. When you get older, the monsters are different. Self doubt… loneliness… regret. And though you may be older and wiser, you still find yourself scared of the dark.

Sleep. It’s the easiest thing to do. You just… close your eyes. But for so many of us, sleep seems out of our grasp. We want it, but we don’t know how to get it. But once we face our demons, face our fears, and turn to each other for help, night time isn’t so scary, because we realize we aren’t all alone in the dark

What I would tell my 16 year old self!

I just saw this on another blog and I had to do one myself. The post was called 'What would I tell my 17 year old self'. Imma use 16 seeing that's the age i was when i graduated high school and i thought it was a 'magical' age where life fell together....

• Being a drifter is ok, later on in life you will drift into things you never thought you would do. I suppose I thought i was different cuz at career day i dressed up as an adult cuz i had NO clue what i wanted to be, needless to say i was the only 'adult' at the event lol ... I totally blew in with the west wind into my current career path. 
• You are amazing just the way you are, trust me .....
• Everything that you think is running away actually isnt sooo slow down ... couldnt wait to be 18, little did i know that i was on a slow decline into adulthood and there aint no turning back! Bills and responsibility can wait!
• He is not end all, be all .... ah some lessons were learnt the hard way
• Not everyone behind your back has it .... real friends only show themselves when you least expect it 
• Stand in love dont fall in love... apparently you can see better that way, havent tried it yet I will get back to you. 
• That's just who you are not everyone will get it, but as long as you do that's all that matters
• Trust you gut its usually right
• You're a late bloomer, that just means your flower lasts longer! 
• Time works miracles on all wounds 
• You just made a not so silly mistake which will make sense many years later. And its ok this is still your worst mistake to date 
• Everyone doesnt show love in the same way, not everyone says it but you WILL just know who does
• You are smarter than you think and stronger than you believe 

What would you tell yourself?

Dear Disney

Dear Disney
I had the privilege of spending a few hours with some of your classics the other day. Alot of warm, fuzzy feelings came back to me as fond memories of my childhood infront of the tv resurfaced. 
But I have a few issues to bring up. Issues regarding the way you sort of us brainwashed us children with your princess, once upon a time, oh look the prince, happy endings stories. Now im not knocking kids stories, in no way should kids be depressed by the worries of life, but cant you be in the least bit realistic? Shall we examine some examples now? Yes, lets do that..
Sleeping Beauty - according to the disney version she was hidden away in the woods with the 3 fairy ladies until after her 16th bday. Now  before she randomly meets the prince in the woods. She tells the animals how she wants to meet a guy, how the fairy ladies never let her do that......hold up a second..if she was in isolation from birth how in the world does she know about boys???
The big tune for the movie was 'someday my prince will come'... yes, yes be hopeful that your prince will come someday even if you a 16 yr old hermit girl hidden in the woods. So at 16/17 Aurora found her prince and got married...What did we little girls learn? that 1st puppy love sweetheart is the one! not likely ....next........>
Cinderella- Cinderella. Cinderella. Cinderella. the biggest farce of them all!! Now i get the whole deeper meaning thing that ppl try to equate to this story. But honestly little girls dont think that hard. Girl goes to the ball falls 'in love' with a guy she dances with for like what an hour! They hardly spoke so he didnt fall in love with her stellar personality, but alas they had that 'love at first sight' thing. She bolts and he searches the whole kingdom for the girl with the 7.34 size foot (apparently that shoe only fits her) ya ya its magical, stop bursting little girl's bubbles blah blah..... On a side note Ever After is one of the fav movies solely because it is the most realistic version of the story. They met,have a relationship hence really fall in love as opposed to the wham bam thank you mam version of the story... like really!
Snow White- umm did she even know this dude before she fell into the poison induced coma? Boom pow he kisses her breaks the spell and alll is well they get married in the end right? Of course instantly!

And what did we learn young ladies? A prince always comes to save us at the end of the day.....right.... exactly!

But imma be fair and give Disney some props Ariel went after Eric, Pocahantas refused a 1 way trip to England and Mulan wanted honor before romance..... ah maybe the world is balanced! Cmon now i cant always be serious :)

The seasons of chemistry and a space shuttle

So its March and there's a few lessons I've learnt this year already and I thought I'd share them, cuz you never know it could be useful to you.
1) Sometimes people or circumstances come into our life for a reason and a season. They serve their purpose and that's all they will ever do. It makes absolutely no sense to hang onto these people/things longer than they are needed cuz as fate has it they are not meant to be in your life. So just let it go and smile that your prayer for help was answered. I actually heard this last year but learned the lesson recently! Yes some of us are hard headed!

2) Chemistry, a conversation with someone the other day made me ponder this term. I didnt go far in high school chemistry but i got the point that certain chemicals go well together, hence bonding to form something new. And certain chemicals dont go well together causing a horrible reaction, poof! explosion!
In context of the conversation people have chemistry thats what attracts them beyond looks. There has to be something within each person that causes an attraction factor to someone else regardless of looks,class, race. Ever saw a real hot person, enter into a convo with them and then just felt like soo whats on tv tonite cuz this person is bleh!
Or you start speaking to someone on a more personal level and find yourself quite interested in talking to them again and again and again.... hey what you doing tomorrow! Next thing you know a few days feels like a few years and you can feel almost safe to vouch and say hey we were totally sugar and kool aid in another life. That's chemistry my friends. You either got it or you dont!

3) Ok so i go by the whole mantra of dancing on the moon ^see about statement ^ and i admitted in previous posts that i can be a hypocrite. I get scared and punk out sometimes, alot........ Anyways I realised that although I tell myself dont be afraid just go for it. I still wanna get to the moon on a well crafted NASA space shuttle piloted by their best astronauts. Not on a busted, crash landed alien space thingy that people say will get me there. Yes this is a form of fear cuz not only do i wanna dance on the moon but I wanna get there in a guaranteed way. Also known as following paths already tread, staying with what works, what i know, what keeps me comfortable. Sitting behind NASA's best pilot is comforting imma fall asleep and know that i'll wake up on the moon. On the tin foil alien craft i gotta stay awake, checking oil gauges and praying that it doesnt fall out of the sky!
This whole line of thought brought me to the quote by Robert Frost

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Here's to the path less traveled!

Me!

While updating myself on my daily black celebrity gossip *shameful admission* I came across an article about a young woman who died because of a botched silicone implant operation on her backside. I posted it to facebook which sparked a range of comments which ended -quite surprisingly - into loving one's self and a few of my friends proceeded to mention what they loved about themselves. I wont pretend that when these topics come up I have to think for a good minute on what exactly I physically love. There are things over the years that i have come to greatly appreciate and love mainly because others have pointed it out over and over again. So ok ok yes I have a killer smile and im digging it. You know the kinda smile that's warm and friendly. The type that people sing about with sunbathed videos.
I no longer felt alone about the self doubt the day I watched Janet Jackson's interview on ABC like last year I believe. I sat aghast as this superstar who has been on countless billboards, posters, magazine covers etc could say that she is not that self confident. This woman whose body and face women envy could only list the small of her back as something she liked about herself. But at 40 something it was getting better....Ok so im 20 years younger so I'm in good shape.
I used to secretly hope every night that I would wake up with bigger breasts. I mean they starting growing with everyone else but stopped quite shortly after...hello down there 1 more cup please!!
Funny story i shared with a roommate once that i got fed up of being an A cup and proceeded to wear a B cup luckily for me they got the message and followed suit. She laughed because she did the same! *note well this doesnt work using pants! booo!!*
After awhile I started to kinda really like the A's cuz i could wear some pretty daring tops without a bra! Yes I realised I had a 1 up on the big booby girls.
Point of it all is to slowly figure things out and like em. And more importantly to admit that we all at some point put up a facade that hides what we really feel.
In conclusion Im not half bad!! I disappeared for a bit but imma soldier :)

Believe

The other day a friend of mine was talking about the jersey for the Manchester United team. He told me that on the inside of the jersey behind the crest was marked the word 'believe'. For some reason i sat and pondered the power of the word 'believe'. Think of it believe is one of the strongest words in a language. People are driven by belief everyone believes in something even if its nothing. Cult members believe that their leader is a god and they believe whatever he/she says even if it means dying. Stalkers believe that the person they stalk is in love with them and that they should be together. All religions are based on the belief and this belief influences actions at times actions that can be very extreme. People believe rumors so they pass them on, because they believe its true. Belief can result in obsession but it started as a belief. People enter contests with the belief that they will win, even when the odds are against them this belief repels them forward.
We all believe in something, its impossible to not believe in anything. The fact that you dont believe in anything shows that you put strong thought into thinking that nothing exists.  Stop for a moment and think of what you believe. And if you think you cant do something remember the word 'believe'

The thing called love

I was just reading a friend's blog post on friendship and love and it sparked a thought not related to what imma say exactly but it sparked this line of thought. This is gonna seem kinda debatable and some of you probably arent gonna agree with me, but imma say it anyways. When people say they have 'fallen out of love' or ' i dont love you anymore' it's rubbish! Yes i said its garbage and a pile of bs, you can not loose real love, because love in its purest form is unconditional. Now some may say that unconditional love is only for those of the heavenly realm. I disagree, simply because its what you do with the love. God loves us unconditionally hence when we mess up He forgives us. Now for us humans you mess up and i may never talk to you again. But that doesnt mean that you dont love that person. And that 10 years later that person doesnt still have a piece of your heart. I didnt say you're gonna run off into the sunset together but you still love them. So if you say I no longer love this person then im sorry to say but i dont think you really did. Ya you said i love you felt butterflies yada yada, but maybe it wasnt, maybe its a common, yet tricky feelings between like and love.. highly infatuated? One says they 'fall in love' how can you 'fall out' of something you fell in? Can you fall out of a hole? Does that make sense?
You are thinking of your past relationships and saying oh but i did love him/her and now i dont. If you study and read about  the raw forms of love *see 1st corinthians 13* then its impossible to loose it, not so? It will always be there in your heart buried, it's whether you decide to act upon it or not that is another story, but it has to be there.
Now you may say oh but there's a difference between love and in love, yes but they cant be separate. Case in point you love someone but say you dont wanna be romantically involved anymore, cuz ur not 'in love' with them. So you are saying your feeling for them lessened? I loved you plenty now i love you a little bit?? Sounds contradictory when you put it like that right? Now hurt and other earthly factors will cause a person's desire to be around someone to falter, because love is not blind. And the reason you dont wanna be romantically involved at the core has nothing to do with love. The person may be proving to be somewhat of a bad choice or whatever, but it cant be because you love them less. Some may question well what about people who divorce after 25yrs claiming they have lost the spark, the love............. if they really loved each other its not gone, someone just messed up! Yes you can love someone and hurt them (humans do this), if you really love someone you must at some point feel remorse. Why, because at the baseline when u love someone hurting them consciously or unconsciously hurts you. If you dont, guess what! You didnt really love them!
No matter what if you really really really do love someone regardless of the choices you make, regardless of the mess they have created or the things they've done to you. You will always love them, always. Because that my friends is what love really is that attachment to someone's soul that is permanent.

Valuables

Sometimes when the things most valuable to us become damaged we wrap them up in small boxes and put them high up on shelves away from feeble hands and care free spirits. It had never occurred to us that we can put our things so far away that we can't find them again. Or that even protection inside a box can't stop it from self destructing

In Vain

'cause if you sacrificed everything, it'd better not be in vain'

ok so can we talk about this song! Wait first of all i have to give major props to Jazmine Sullivan her songs are always dead honest. She wants to break the windows out his car. Yes we all thought about it! She's in love with another man yep open, honest and straight to the point. She's not scared of lions, tigers and bears but she's afraid of love! Who isnt afraid of love! What a brilliant writer, please please dont leave music!!!
Ok back to the song! So from listening without paying attention one would assume she's wishing the best to the guy that left her. Hopes his new woman treats him well, in fact better, that he's happy etc. It's only when she says 'cause if you sacrificed everything, it'd better not be in vain' that i realised how subtly sarcastic this song is. She really isn't wishing you the best. She really doesnt mean 'i hope she's everything you want and everything I wasn't'  In fact she only hopes for your sake that it was worth it, that throwing away everything you built was worth it. Why? Well because it would have been in vain. Vain: not yielding the desired outcome. And the assumed desired effect would have been that the grass was greener on the other side, not so? Think of it as building a house from scratch and then falling for some wheeler dealer who has some cheap prefab houses. For your sake one would hope that this prefab doesnt fall apart because your other house has already been sold! 
Yes Jazmine you speak the unspoken words of many victims of love gone sour - 'cause if you sacrificed everything, it'd better not be in vain'

Dreams.....

The other day it randomly crossed my mind how we hear all this push to fulfill our dreams, people write books on it, hold seminars to inspire the dreamers. I reflected on some of my dreams and realised how they had changed not because of fear or my own self but because of others. Now the sun shiney day optomist motivational speaker person will tell you that you shouldnt let people get in the way of your dreams...... right buddy! 
Think about it for a second now suppose your dream is to be a high level manager at some big corporation. Ok dream in focus, you work hard, harder than your peers, you go beyond the call of duty, do the usual sucking up etc, you're smart have all your degrees in check etc etc. What if for some reason there is someone in the higher ups that a) for some reason hates your guts. b) is screwing someone else who wants that position c) wont be leaving that position until they drop dead. Challenge right? Now unless you plan to do something illegal you either wait for karma to arrive or slowly come to the realisation that achieving your dream at this particular company may not be in the cards. Now you may leave and get to this level somewhere else. But what if this place meant something to you? Dream not achieved!
Now dont count me as a pessimist cuz hey something positive did happen just maybe not specifically the way you want it. What if some bad minded person had not wanted to see Oprah hosting a talk show? Im just saying....
I think we tend to run into life thinking this is what i want and this is how i want it and imma get it. That's good, dont get me wrong, but we must also say 'if its for me'. Because unfortunately every dream we have isnt for us or meant for us. Ah the part about life that's the hardest, knowing that you are not really in control. 'Sight beyond what I see, you know what's best for me.' Ya the Big Man upstairs is steering this ship, you say where you would like to go and then you stare at the horizon hoping its going where you want. If not, be not dismayed He's not taking you into danger :) 
Hence I dream and stare at the horizon. I would never stop dreaming, a person without dreams, well how do they live?  

Peace and Blessing for 2011

And 2010 is over!!!! YES!!!!!
I have never been so nervous for the clock to strike midnight. I was so anxious for the year to change. I guess I associated my not so always pleasant experiences with the number on the calendar. There's always been this imaginary wall in my head that you hop over when the year changes. I couldn't wait on 1 hand to just hop over and run away as fast as I can. On the other hand all the emotions and disappointments couldnt help but to clutch onto me for 1 more time. The words of Queen Sheba's poem-It will pass - kept replaying in head 'I cant promise you the pain will stop tomorrow, or you wont burst into tears when the clock strikes New Years.' Since i heard that poem earlier in the year  I dreaded the inching of the clock's hands on December 31st. But guess what I did it :D ' Because it will pass like it always does, as time promises it will'
Now down to the purpose of this post!
Happy New Year to all my readers and friends. I sincerely pray for God's richest blessing upon your lives. I dont think this year wouldnt have been possible without the people that God has placed in my life. You all know who are you and how thankful I am for you :)
This year I look forward to possibly a children's book, yep I have to put my butt in gear.
Being a part of another 'When a Woman Moans' production, lol that's as far as I've gone into planning the new year.
I just look forward to more laughter, great times, success, growth, love *ermmm* lol and lighter blog posts!
I read this earlier this year and it inspired me hope it brings some peace to you as well.
'Green pastures are before me of which I have not seen.
Blue skies will soon be over me where darkest clouds have been
My hope I can not measure, my path to life is free
My Saviour has my treasure and He will walk with me'

Peace and blessing for 2011
From the Moondancer!